When Worlds Collide
by Spartan of Chaos
Summary: Inspired by max3833's story. What if Alejandro wasn't the only one who was roped into Chris' fake season Total Drama Dirtbags and they got to compete on Total Drama World Tour as well. Things are about to get very interesting. Crossover including Family Guy, Simpsons, South Park, Ed Edd n Eddy, etc.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: All characters used in this story are owned by their respective creators.**_

_**Author Note: Here I am bringing you guys another story. This is another Total Drama crossover involving characters from other cartoon shows as contestants on Total Drama. This time it will be a remake of TDWT that shows what would happen if Alejandro wasn't the only one who was roped into Chris' fake season Total Drama Dirtbags and they got to compete on Total Drama World Tour as well.**_

_**There will be significant changes to the season such as Ezekiel not turning into a Gollum rip-off and DJ not getting cursed as those plot points were completely idiotic.**_

_**The Duncan/Courtney/Gwen love triangle will still happen but changed so Gwen won't receive the full blame.**_

_**Also the singing will be kept to a minimum since I suck at writing lyrics for songs.**_

**_Now without further ado let's get this story started._  
**

* * *

The Total Drama contestants had just arrived at the Celebrity Manhunt Reunion Special, eager to receive the Gemmie award for their show. After living the big life for the past year, they were excited to finally get the recognition they deserve. But that was about to change as they all gathered on the red carpet.

"I call front seat," Heather shouted.

"Oh no you don't!"

Let's just say that led to a pile up. As the majority of the cast attempted to right themselves, a limo pulled up, revealing Noah wearing sunglasses and a blue tooth. As he began to list out an order for a latte, he completely ignored Sierra, who attempted to ask him a question.

After the Drama Brothers were interviewed, the rest of the cast began to move inside the auditorium. They all smiled as they were about to walk in but their smiles when they were held up by Chef Hatchet.

"Famous people only and as of about five seconds ago that excludes you guys!" Chef exclaimed which caused the cast to look at him in utter disbelief.

"Who died and made you doorman?!" retorted Gwen.

"I did," said Chris Mclean as walked out of the auditorium.

"You died?!" said Lindsay.

"Noah, coffee," Noah ran up and handed Chris his latte, "is that my muffin?" Chris asked, gesturing to the bag in Noah's hand.

"Your Chris' assistant?" Gwen asked as Duncan laughed.

"You kiss Chris' butt…for money?" Cody taunted.

"Cut me some slack, everybody has to work their way up in this biz." Noah retorted.

Then out of nowhere, another limo showed up and out came a large group of people or… animals.

"Bros," Chris greeted with a huge grin on his face.

The first three arrivals were strange in appearance. One was a fat man who had brown hair, glasses, and wore a white dress shirt, green pants, and brown shoes. His two companions were far stranger than he was. One was a baby. Who was dressed in a yellow shirt and red overalls, what was weird about him was that he had a football shaped head. The third member was perhaps the weirdest of them all. That one was in fact a pure white dog who wore a red collar. As all three walked across the red carpet many looked in wonder at the baby and dog.

The next group was four nine year olds. The first one was apparently the most normal compared to the other three; He wore a blue skull cap with a red puffball on it, a brown jacket with a red collar, and blue jeans. The second had a weird green ushanka, wore an orange jacket and green pants. The third was very fat, in fact he was obese. He wore a blue and yellow skull cap and a red sweater. The final member was completely covered up in an orange parka.

Another person arrived; he too was strange in appearance. For some reason he had yellow skin, I mean it was actually yellow. He wore a white shirt, blue pants, and black shoes. When he ran across the red carpet, he tripped and fell flat on his face causing him to scream "Doh," but he quickly got back up and ran happily inside the auditorium.

The next three arrivals were kids as well but older than the nine year olds. The first was short and had three hairs sticking up. The next was tall and had a green jacket on, he smelled incredibly bad for some reason. The third and final member wore a ski hat, a red shirt, and purple shorts.

Another group of three arrived. The first member looked the most normal. He had red hair and wore a white shirt under a red jacket and blue jeans. The second was a woman who had purple hair, wore a white tank top with black pants, and perhaps the strangest thing about her was that she had only one eye. The third member was the strangest of them all. He was in fact a robot with a cylinder body and an antenna on his head.

As those three entered the auditorium, the next group had arrived. They were probably the strangest out of the new arrivals. They consisted of living fast food items. One was a giant milkshake cup with purple bendy straw and yellow hands; the next one was a living box of French fries with his box having eyes, a mouth, and a goatee, the last one was pretty much a giant ball of meat with eyes and a mouth with only one tooth. The Total Drama contestants just stood looking dumbfounded at the living fast food.

Another trio came walking along the red carpet as well; however everyone noticed something odd about the tallest member. While the smaller ones were a boy and a girl, with one have a big pink nose and the other having blond hair and a permanent scowl respectively, the tall one was dressed in a black cloak. The TD contestants couldn't help but wonder what was under that cloak.

The next one to arrive was a small short faced bear cub who didn't hesitate to flip off the Total Drama veterans at that very moment. Everyone glared in response.

After that weird moment, another group of three arrived. They were African American. The first one was a boy with a large afro, who wore a brown shirt over a white shirt, and blue jeans. The second was another boy was slightly shorter. His hair was done in cornrows and he wore a white tank top and jeans. The final member was an elderly man with balding grey hair, glasses, and wore a green sweater over a white shirt.

The next two weren't even human. They were in fact two octopuses. One was green and wore a red and white trucker hat that had the words "Booty Hunter" on it and the second octopus was a lighter shade of green and had red hair and freckles for no apparent reason.

Speaking of non-humans, two more arrived. The first one looked like a humanoid cat wearing a black jumpsuit with blue straps and orange gloves. His face seemed to be stuck in a permanent expression. His companion looked like a humanoid praying mantis wearing a blue costume with yellow gloves.

The next duo to come out the limo, were two teenage boys. The first one was tall and thin, had reddish-brown hair, and wore a sweater-vest over a button-up shirt with trousers that looked to be slightly too short for his height. The other one had an appearance that was similar to that of Fred Jones, stemming from a white shirt and neckerchief wardrobe and blond hair, although his hair was much shorter.

The next ones were another teenage boy and a tall lanky old man. The former had short brown hair that he wore straight and neatly combed around his head and he wore a yellow shirt, blue pants, and white shoes. The old man had spiky grey-blue hair and a unibrow and wore a white lab coat with a light blue green shirt underneath. He also wore brown pants, a dark brown belt with a yellow buckle, and black shoes.

The last and final person to come out didn't look much like a person, he was in fact an anthropomorphic brown horse, He wore a blue sweater under a gray blazer, jeans, and red and white sneakers.

"Come on in my peeps," Chris greeted.

"How are they famous?" Gwen asked.

"They're the stars of my new reality show, Total. Drama. Dirtbags!" Chris informed.

"Huh?!" everyone gasped

"A bunch of nasty jerks living in a huge mansion getting all bored and back stabby," Noah explained.

"I'm nasty, that should be me," said Heather.

"These guys are up and coming not down and going, I.E. you _losers_. Besides some of these guys are complete monsters," retorted Chris.

"Excuse me," said a voice as a young Latin man as he moved alongside everyone rudely knocking Cody down on the red carpet for no apparent reason.

"Alejandro, buddy, how's my next biggest star?" Chris greeted but Alejandro just walked past him, causing Chris to frown in irritation. Chris drank his latte then spat in out in Noah's face.

"Ugh, this latte's cold! You're fired!" as Chris shoved Noah to the other contestants.

"Well guys, I'd say later but uh…there isn't gonna be a later so…" Chris shut the doors, leaving the cast outside, with the spotlights going out. Silence fell among the contestants; all that could be heard was a cricket chirping, until Duncan crushed it with his foot.

"Now why did you go and do that for?" DJ scolded.

"Hey guys," Sierra addressed the cast, "we have to find a way inside."

"Leave that to me," Izzy stated, as she suddenly ran into the nearby alley. After several seconds, Izzy appeared again, this time from the inside. As they all smiled, the door closed behind her, locking them all out once again.

Suddenly, the TV came blazing on. On it, Alejandro, the handsome Spaniard from earlier revealed that the group's show lost to "Old People in their Undies" for best cast. And then when Chris received his best host award, and then forgot to mention them, they were all pissed off.

"Tomorrow," Chris continued as the TV that had been showing him was in thoroughly bad condition after being wrecked by Courtney, I will be announcing my newest reality show, Total Drama Dirtbags on the Oprah show.

"Dudes," Geoff groaned, "You heard the guy, were nobodies again."

"At least I'll be able to survive on the streets," Duncan said.

"Me too," Ezekiel commented, as some random hobo stole his wallet out of his back pocket.

"And I'll go back to being just another pretty face," Justin moaned.

"And pecs," Katie marveled.

"And abs," Sadie marveled.

"And butt," Owen giggled, eliciting several horrified stares by those who were listening.

As the Total Drama cast walked away, Sierra just stared in shock, "What's the matter with you guys?" Sierra shouted, "No one deserves to be more famous than you!"

Do you have any idea how many millions of fans you have out there in the world!" Sierra continued, "I have been watching, blogging, and PVR-ing you since the first episode, we have fan sites about each and every one of you, and we're rooting for you! We know about your eating habits, your hopes, your fears…YOUR DENTAL RECORDS!"

"Stalker," Heather whispered to Harold.

"You can't let us down now," Sierra begged, "What do you say?"

"What are we supposed to do?" Owen asked.

"I say beat those Dirtbags to Oprah's studio, hijack the interview and voila! You're all famous again." Sierra suggested.

"But how are we supposed to get to New York by tomorrow afternoon?" Harold asked in frustration.

After Izzy suggested a ridiculous plan involving lumber, a boat motor, and diesel fuel, DJ suggested getting on his mother's bus and going to New York. The group cheered and soon piled on the bus.

* * *

Needless to say their plan on getting famous again didn't go as smoothly as they had hoped. After following the Dirtbag bus for an entire day, they were able to get an insurmountable lead by launching caramels at the bus. Their victory was short lived however as they lost turbulence due to Duncan and Courtney making out even though she was the one driving the bus. This caused the bus to accidently drive off the road and heading straight toward a big cliff. Courtney desperately tried to regain control of the bus but this accidently caused the wheels to fall off, meaning that regaining control was impossible.

The bus plummeted down the canyon, gaining speed as they almost hit the floor of the canyon. Just as they were about to crash, they stopped. Everyone looked at one another for a second.

What saved the Total Drama Cast from their utter demise was of all things a _bra_. Then, they began to feel the bus lifting upward.

"I hope Leshawna doesn't need her bra back," Gwen moaned, as they continued to fly up into the sky. Before long, they were experiencing zero gravity, causing them to float thorough the cabin for some odd reason.

After a few moments of that, they began to fall again. This time, they were caught again near the bottom by the bra. Duncan skillfully climbed up the seat to the back door, and cut the over stretched piece of underwear. This caused the bus to finally land, before turning over and landing on its roof.

No one was hurt, at least not severely. The cast members were now trapped in the bottom of a canyon with no way of getting out. Geoff had the bright idea of going for help even though staying with the vehicle was a smarter move. Geoff plus Trent, Justin, Beth, Eva, Katie, Sadie, and Momma DJ all went to go look for help while everyone else stayed in the canyon.

* * *

A whole day passed since the bus crashed into the canyon and Geoff and his group hadn't returned yet. The cast had slept the entire night. Many were getting agitated, and since it had been a day since Owen's last meal, no one liked the look he was giving them. Suddenly, a wonderful smell overcame them, and there was DJ cooking a bowl of something.

"Alright," Owen shouted, "Time for some grub!"

"It's made from tumble weed." DJ explained as he poured some into Owen's mouth. This caused the fat boy to cringe.

"You don't like it?"

"No, no," Owen said, before vomiting into the pan.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of a chopper, and turned to the sky, to see Chris and Chef who had been watching their exploits the entire time, lower a giant magnet onto the bus. As it clinked to the bus, lifting it several feet off the ground, the group cheered.

"I'm not called the best reality host ever for nothing!" Chris declared, as they began to board the bus. As soon as everyone was loaded up, the bus was lifted out of the canyon, and into the wild blue yonder.

* * *

After three hours of flying, they had landed at the set of Total Drama Action. They were sitting in a mass tent along with the Dirtbag contestants, waiting for Chris to explain what was going on. Suddenly, Alejandro came out, and placed a giant plate of pancakes on the table, which were all gobbled up by Owen.

"I have an announcement to make;" Chris said, "Now we all know that no one does drama like you guys."

"Duh," Heather shouted, "But what happened to Total Drama Dirtbags?"

"It was a trick!" they turned to Alejandro seething, "There never was a Total Drama Dirtbags!"

"This douchebag lied to us!" said the boy with the blue skull cap whose name was revealed to be Stan.

"It was all a plan to get you guys back on the show!" exclaimed the dog whose name was Brian.

"He promised us that we were going to stay in a fancy mansion!" said the elderly man whose name was Robert.

"Yeah, *bleugh* I knew this was a scam from the very beginning," Rick belched as he drank a flask of alcohol.

"Is that true?" Heather then asked the host.

"Well mostly," Chris said, "I did come up with the name."

"Dumb name," said the horse who was named Bojack.

"Quiet you!" Chris then turned back to the rest of the cast, "I needed to find out if you kids still had it."

"What about Alejandro and the other Dirtbag contestants," Heather asked irritably.

"Dupes, just like the rest of you," Chris said, while noggying her, "I needed someone on the inside. But to make it up, I told him and those other guys that they could join you all on season three.

"What season three?" Noah asked.

"A race around the world in one giant jet," Chris laughed.

"After all the crap you put us through," Gwen asked with irritation, "what makes you think we'll come along for another season?"

"Don't you want to be famous again?"

"Pass," said Duncan.

"What about not one, but _five_ million dollars?"

This caused the entire group to cheer in excitement.

* * *

Meanwhile back at the Celebrity Manhunt studio, Geoff and the others were able to able it make there after nearly being killed by nuclear missiles after accidently stumbling on a testing site.

After finding out about season three and that were unable to compete in it. Geoff cried in despair while Eva went ballistic and trashed the entire studio.

* * *

_**Confessional Cam**_

**Courtney - **Looks like I'm back for another season. And I will be keeping a much closer eye on Gwen, so not trusting that boyfriend stealer.

**Peter - **Uh…so what show is this again?

**Harold and Leshawna - **(Harold puts his arm around her) get your hands off of me! (She shoves Harold to the floor.)

**Harold - **I thought we can form an alliance, check it! (He then beatboxes)

**Stan -** I got a feeling that we're going to be in one hell of a ride.

**Brian -** A million dollars does buy a lot of beer.

**Riley - **What's up my n*bleep* s!

**Stewie - **Winning this contest will finally achieve my plans for world domination.

**Bridgette - **(crying)I miss you already Geoff, wait for me shmoopy-boo, I'll win it for both of us! (Continues crying)

**Double D - **I must admit, This will be quite the invigorating experience.

**Ed - **GRAVY!

**Eddy - **Aw yeah! Five million dollars, here I come!

**Homer - **WOO-HOO! I can't wait to eat food from all around the world.

**Gwen - **You know what they say, third time lucky! This could be my season,

**Duncan - **Hey I'm game, bring it Chris!

**Bender -**I'm gonna win this meatbags!

**Cartman -** Those assholes won't stand a chance against me.

**Huey - **Why did Granddad made us sign up for this show again?

**Alejandro: **Watch out Total Drama Nerds, (he points to himself) the new guy is going all the way to the top.

**Malloy - **Ignore what the landscaper just said, the only new guy winning here is gonna be me.

* * *

Chris was walking next to a large plane, one twice the size of a normal plane. Not only did it appear to be in bad shape, but it also had Chris's portrait on the side.

"Fifty contestants," Chris began, "A trip around the world for a million dollars. What else could you ask for?"

"How about music?" Chef asked, dressed in a flight attendants outfit.

"Yeah," Chris thought, "Everybody is doing the music thing now, sure and music!"

"See you next time on Total Drama: The Musical!"

That name sucks balls!" Stan shouted.

"Quiet you!" Chris shouted, "Okay, how about Total Drama World Tour!"

"Better!"

* * *

_**Well here it is the end of part one and it's only the beginning. I plan to make many changes throughout the season and it will affect how it ends. I'll try to keep the characters in character as much as I can. I know you guys were able to recognize the other cartoons in this chapter but here's a list in case some of you didn't:**_

_**Peter Griffin (Family Guy)  
**_

_**Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)  
**_

_**Brian Griffin (Family Guy)  
**_

_**Stan Marsh (South Park)  
**_

_**Kyle Broflovski (South Park)  
**_

_**Eric Cartman (South Park)  
**_

_**Kenny McCormick (South Park)  
**_

_**Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
**_

_**Ed (Ed Edd n Eddy)  
**_

_**Edd (Ed Edd n Eddy)  
**_

_**Eddy (Ed Edd n Eddy)  
**_

_**Philip J. Fry (Futurama)  
**_

_**Turanga Leela (Futurama)  
**_

_**Bender Rodriguez (Futurama)  
**_

_**Master Shake (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)  
**_

_**Frylock (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)  
**_

_**Meatwad (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)  
**_

_**Billy (Grim Adventures)  
**_

_**Mandy (Grim Adventures)  
**_

_**Grim (Grim Adventures)  
**_

_**Malloy (Brickleberry)  
**_

_**Huey Freeman (Boondocks)  
**_

_**Riley Freeman (Boondocks)  
**_

_**Robert Freeman (Boondocks)  
**_

_**Early Cuyler (Squidbillies)  
**_

_**Rusty Cuyler (Squidbillies)  
**_

_**Brak (The Brak Show)  
**_

_**Zorak (The Brak Show)**_

_**Dean Venture (The Venture Bros)**_

_**Hank Venture (The Venture Bros)**_

_**Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty)**_

_**Morty Smith (Rick and Morty)**_

_**Bojack Horseman (Bojack Horseman)**_

_**And be sure to remember to leave a review! I would really appreciate it.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that are in this story.**

**Author Note:** **First** **I would like to say thank you for all the reviews. I wasn't expecting this story to get this much attention so soon. I'll be sure to keep up the good work.  
**

* * *

"Season three of Total Drama, folks!" Chris announced as he stood on a runway, "the world is gonna be mine, sea to shining sea!"

He then turned back to the camera, when suddenly, the bus pulled up next to him, "Unfortunately, I'll be forced to share my world with a traveling freak show. They will travel all around the globe competing for another million dollars!"

"First we have Courtney," the competitors walked off the bus when their names were called," Duncan, Heather, Gwen, and Leshawna…" Chris counted off before Gwen bumped into Heather once Heather had stopped.

"Oof! Are there reserved seats?" Gwen asked as she moved away from Heather to glare at her, "I.E. can I have one _not_ behind Heather's pony hair ponytail?"

"Um, my extensions are_ human _hair!" Heather scowled as she turned to face her.

"You learn something new every day," Duncan cracked.

Gwen giggled a little at that. Duncan gave a smirk at that. Courtney noticed this and glared at Duncan behind his back.

"Lindsay," said beautiful girl floated a kiss to the camera as she walked off, "DJ, Owen, and Harold."

When the last three didn't walk off, Chris looked surprised.

"Um…Guys?" Chris asked, a bit of concern in his voice.

"Sweet Strawberry Preserves!" a voice cried out in fear.

DJ finally walked off, holding Owen in a vice grip. Owen was busy mumbling horrible things at him.

"No!-!-!-!" Owen cried out in terror.

"He's afraid of flying, remember?" DJ reminded Chris.

"Aerophobia, from the Latin, as opposed to Aeronauseophobia, the fear of air sickness," Harold explained as he got off the bus.

"Wow," Noah said as he walked off the bus,"Keep up the fascinating facts and I'm going to be aeronauseous all over you!"

"And returning favorites; Noah," Noah moved on as his fellow contestants walked off the bus, "Cody and..."

"Yo! Yo! Yo!" Ezekiel said as he hopped onto the bottom step of the bus, "This year's winner is in da house-er-bus-uh-Runway~!"

"Where's the plane eh?" the teen asked before Izzy jumped on him.

"I know right? Let's fly!" Izzy whooped as she jumped on Ezekiel's shoulders. This accidently caused the both of them to fall down on the pavement with a thud.

"…Yup, Izzy's back!" Chris declared with a grin, blatantly ignoring the other one, "Also returning this season…Tyler!"

Tyler stepped out and posed and then he cried out when he stepped and fell over the two person pile up in front of the bus.

"And, returning co-host of Total Drama Action's Aftermath, Bridgette!" Chris informed.

As Bridgette stepped out she yelped as she too fell over on top of the great heap.

"Yo Chris, you forgot to introduce me!" Ezekiel informed.

Chris sighed, "And Ezekiel," his smile suddenly returned

"And to keep things fresh, we will be introducing a grand total of 30 new contestants!" Chris informed, "He's an honor roll student with a diplomat for a dad and the amazing ability to charm the pants off of most species; Alejandro!"

The handsome Spanish man walked off the bus, with sunglasses mostly covering his eyes. He took them off, and reached down to the pile. "Perhaps I can assist you?" Alejandro said as he helped Bridgette and Izzy up.

"Oh wow," Izzy mumbled.

"Uh…I have a boyfriend!" Bridgette stammered.

"And amigos, please allow me," As Alejandro helped Tyler and Ezekiel up as well.

"Wow eh."

"I like girls," Tyler declared, as he and the others moved into the main group.

"And our second contestant is a sugar addicted super fan with_ sixteen _total drama blogs, please welcome Sierra!"

"Oh my gosh! I love you guys! And this is the greatest day of my life _ever_!" she squealed as she rushed off the bus, "Anybody got a paper bag I can breathe into?!"

"And here they are, all the way from a little town in Rhode Island USA, Peter, Stewie, and Brian!"

"Aw sweet, is this Survivor?!" Peter exclaimed as he ran out the bus with Brian and Stewie trailing behind him.

"No Peter, this is Total Drama. The show this douchebag tricked us into competing into," informed Brian which caused Chris to glare in his direction.

"Oh, now I'm disappointed." Peter said, having lost his good mood.

"I just hope we don't wind up on the same team as the fat man," remarked Stewie.

"Me too, I hate to be stuck with him the entire trip," replied Brian.

"Okay, next we have Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny all the way from South Park Colorado!"

"Shut your fucking mouth you damn liar," snarled Cartman. He then turned to the rest of the contestants, "You all ready to lose you dumbfucks,"

"Whoa," said a shocked Duncan, "that kid has quite a potty mouth on him."

"Please forgive him," said Kyle, "Cartman is just a stupid asshole."

"Shut up Jew."

"Shut the fuck up Cartman!"

"Listen dudes," said Stan, "We can argue later, let's just try to not piss off the other contestants."

"Woo-hoo!" screamed Homer as he ran out the bus only to trip and fall again like last time.

"Doh!"

"And that's Homer if anyone cares," Chris said.

The next ones to come out were none other than the Eds, they seemed very happy to be here.

"Here they come all the way from some cul de sac, here's Ed, Edd and Eddy!"

"Aw yeah! Time to win me a million bucks!" shouted Eddy.

"Butter Toast!" Ed yelled.

Double D however nervous as always being in an unfamiliar environment, he secretly hoped that he can make some new friends during the contest.

"Our next contestants are two people and an advanced robot who fell through a time warp from the 30th century," Chris introduced, "I give you Fry, Leela, and Bender!"

"Yo, meatbags of the stupid ages," Bender greeted, "Bender's in the house!"

"Wow," Harold breathed, "a robot with human intelligence and mannerisms! Wicked!"

"Considering what most humans are like, I'm not impressed," Gwen snorted.

Bender scowled at her, "Hey, bite my shiny metal ass, gothy!"

Leela glared at Bender "Sorry, he can be really grating at times."

The next group was Billy, Mandy, and the tall man in the black cloak who still had his face hidden.

"Yo dude," Chris said to him, "take off the cloak and show us your face." As the man did so, all of the contestants were shocked. the man's head was a skull, in fact; his entire body was nothing but bones. He laughed evilly at their reaction.

"Oh, now I know why your name is Grim," said Chris.

As Billy, Mandy, and Grim joined everyone else; Malloy the bear cub came walking out looking not too happy.

"Let's introduce our next contestant Mall-"

Chris was cut off as Malloy punched him in the balls.

"Oh God, that hurts!"

"That's for lying about the mansion you piece of shit, the money better be worth all this bullshit or it's your ass Mclean!"As Malloy went to join the cast, everyone took one step back as to not incur the cub's wrath.

The Freeman family were the next ones to step out, Riley was acting up as usual.

"Yo man, fuck all you bitches! I'm here to win the mil so I can buy-"

Riley's tirade was cut off as Granddad smacked him upside the head.

"Boy watch your mouth, we're on national TV for Pete's sake!"

Huey said nothing as he was still trying to figure out how they got dragged into this show in the first place.

The Freemans went to join the group ignoring Chris' current state of agony. after a few moments, Chris finally recovered enough to stand back up.

"Ugh...that's gonna be sore in the morning, where was I? Oh yeah, here's the food trio, consisting of Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad!

"Nah boy, that wasn't our name, our name was-" Meatwad began but was cut off by Frylock.

"Meatwad, we don't go by that anymore, remember?"

"Well I came up with the golden name, I still remember it too! Aqua Teen Hu-" said Shake before Chris interrupted him.

"Okay move along, we still got four more contestants left to introduce."

Shake glared at Chris and flipped him off as he and the others joined everybody else.

"Okay then, also on board are Early and-" Chris was cut off again as a shotgun was pointed to his face.

"Hey boy, I was promised some chewin' tobacco! Gimme it!" Early shouted.

"Daddy, quit all of that crap, I gave you some earlier!" said Rusty.

"You'll find things are even better Early. Trust me," Chris said frantically as he didn't want to get shot.

"I got my eye on you boy," Early warned as he and Rusty slithered away.

"OK people," Chris said now feeling relieved "Here's our last two contestants Brak and Zorak!"

"This is gonna be so much fun," Brak said happily.

"If by fun, you mean make asses of ourselves on national TV, than yeah it'll be fun," retorted Zorak.

"I'm glad you feel this way too Zorak."

I was being sarcastic you dumbass."

While Brak and Zorak joined everyone else, they all noticed a large shadow appear. Everyone stared in amazement as a giant plane drove into view. While huge enough to give them all comfortable living space, it appeared to be in very bad condition.

Scratch that, it was in horrible condition. There was smoke coming out of the turbines, there appeared to be holes in parts of the hull, and in the pilot's seat was Chef. The only thing that looked even remotely new, was a giant painting of Chris in a pilot's outfit.

"What the…?!" Duncan gawked.

"Excuse me Chris," Courtney raised her hand, "I would like to express some safety concerns about this plane.

"Safety concerns?!" Kyle said incredulously "This thing looks like a Goddamn death trap!"

"What are you talking about?" Chris asked. "The plane is perfectly safe."

He was proven wrong when one piece of the plane came off. "Yeah," Brian remarked, "About as safe as walking on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon."

"No way," Owen said, "Call the United Nations! Call the police! Call my Mom! I won't do this! I-"

His babbling was stopped when in a fit of annoyance; Chris had pulled out a frying pan and bashed Owen in the head with it. As Owen fell to the ground in a heap, he turned back to the others, with some of them staring in shock.

"Anyone else got a problem with it?" Chris asked angrily.

"No!"

"I'm fine!"

"The plane looks great!"

"Um I still do, but you know what will happen if you tried to hit me with that frying pan Chris," Malloy said with narrowed eyes.

Chris immediately backed off as he didn't want to be hit in the groin again.

"Okay, good," Chris said as he began to board the plane. Brian turned back to Gwen, who was standing beside him.

"Does he do this a lot?" Brian asked.

"Oh yeah."

"Now boarding," Chris shouted from the door of the plane, "A trip for a million big ones; We're giving you a front row seat for all the action, right here on Total Drama," he sang the last part, "World Toooouuurr!"

"Seriously?" Stan and Duncan said in irritation.

* * *

***Cue Theme Song*  
**

* * *

"And we're back," Chris said.

"Where did we go?" Ed asked.

"Theme song," Gwen explained, "But seriously singing, I thought Chris was joking about that."

"Well I don't have a problem with it," Courtney pointed out.

"Yeah," Leshawna rebuked, "Cause you like singing."

"Well I don't," Duncan said with anger, "Girls sing! Little birdys sing! Duncans do not sing!"

"Singing is gay!" yelled Riley.

"Been there, done that. I'm not doing that shit again," said Stan.

It's just stupid!" Eddy shouted.

"Think I'll get to beat box?" Harold asked.

"I'll beat you if you try," Duncan threatened as he waved his fist at Harold.

"Why are you doing this to us?" Heather asked in irritation.

"Because he's a sadistic asshole," Zorak said.

"True," Chris answered, "But singing reality shows are a hit and also, the worse the singing, the higher the ratings, which is why on this show, there will be no rehearsal, no vocal coaches, and it'll happen completely at random, you'll never hear it coming!"

This caused all the contestants to grumble.

"Any who," Chris continued, "This is the dining area," he motioned to three long tables with seats up against them, "Where you will enjoy your flight meals."

"Not for long eh," Ezekiel said, "Prepare to lose to the Zeke!"

"Okay," Gwen said, putting her hand on his shoulder, "So not trying to be mean here, but you do know you got voted out first last time right?"

"Yep, and I spent every minute since making sure that don't happen again."

"So wouldn't that mean it is a good idea for you to shut up?" Malloy asked, "Since you really don't want to deal with that two seasons in a row."

"No way," Ezekiel said. "I can't lose; I'm stronger, faster, and smarter."

"Not to mention chattier," Chris began in annoyance, "blabbier, can't-shut-up-ier!"

"Is there a ladies room?" Leshawna asked.

"Sure," Chris said, pointing backwards.

"Thanks," Leshawna said, walking by him, "Cause I need to make a deposit."

"TMI," Mandy remarked.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Leshawna - **/_sits down, only to see camera/ _there is a camera in the bathroom again? Ugh, can't a sister get a little privacy in this program?

* * *

"Losing teams will enjoy luxurious economy class accommodations, where losing teams will stay between destinations," Chris said as he took everyone through said class, which was anything but luxurious. The entire place was covered in dirt, and from pipes in the ceiling, water was dripping on the floor.

"My God, have you ever heard of plumbing?" Stewie said with irritation.

"Okay," Lindsay said looking around, "Where are our beds?"

"Owen," Chris addressed the unconscious large teen, who was strapped to the wall with two seatbelts, leaving hi sleeping in an upright position that did not look comfortable.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Leela said with disbelief.

"That can't be good for my back," said Granddad.

* * *

"This," Chris said, as he and the contestants stood in a much larger and wide open cabin, "Is the first class cabin. The domain of each challenge's winners."

"Now this," Alejandro said to Lindsay, "is the type of accommodation that a lady deserves."

Both Malloy and Heather glared at Al, not trusting him at all.

"That guy is as smooth as Momma's gravy," commented DJ.

But Lindsay is supposed to like me," Tyler stated.

"You can't compete with gravy kid," said Homer.

* * *

**(Cockpit Confessional)**

**Heather – **I can see right through that guy. _/Suddenly is shown to be sitting in the cockpit next to Chef/ _Hey this extra confessional is really convenient.

**Chef – **Maybe for you, I'm trying to prep for a flight.

**Heather – **Shush! Anyway, Al is so transparent, so fake so…

**Chef – **Deliciously seductive?

**Heather – **That is the exact opposite of what I was trying to say.

**Chef – **Pretty good looking guy to boot. _/turns around/_ Just saying.

**Heather – **Forget this!

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Malloy – **Yeah, that Mexican is definitely screwing with that dumb blonde, she's just lucky he's not murdering her right now.

* * *

"Whoa," Cody marveled as they walked into the final room, "Where are we now?"

"My quarters and their off limits," Chris warned.

"Oh Chris, I heart your limits," Sierra giggled.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Heather – **Anyway, with Beth gone, Lindsiot, Ale-whatever, and the mangy bear cub looking like real threats. My only strategic option is making friends with the new girl, But pretending to like that is going to be _hard. _I _do not_ heart the new girl.

* * *

"And that's pretty much it, other than the storage area and the gallery, but I'm sure you'll find those exciting destinations later when I 'accidently' lock you in them," Chris said as the contestants were sitting around the mess hall.

The plane rumbled as it was taking off causing Bridgette to nearly fall over but Double D was barely able to catch her.

"Are you alright?" Double D asked.

"I'm okay Double D," Bridgette replied, "Thanks."

"It's no problem," Double D said sheepishly.

* * *

**(Bathroom Confessional)**

**Double D-**Well at least I made one friend today.

* * *

"One more thing, I'm sure you remember something called the 'Elimination Ceremony?" Chris continued.

"Um, thirty of us don't," Huey noted with a raised hand.

"Well, you're gonna learn today. It takes place right in there my friends," Chris informed as he led them to another room with a tropical theme to it along with a bleacher, "If you don't receive a barf bag full of airline issued peanuts…"

"I got a peanut allergy yo, Er, more like a sensitivity…" Ezekiel interrupted.

"…You will be forced to take the Drop of Shame," Chris scowled.

"Okay. I just don't like…" Ezekiel began before Chris grabbed him by the front of his hoodie and threw him out of the plane.

"Kind of like this!"

"Hey!" Ezekiel shouted, as he chased after the plane, "Slow me down and let me back in eh!"

"All eliminations are final bro!" Chris waved to the prairie boy as he closed the door.

"I'm pretty sure that's not safe," Brian replied.

"Yeah, you expect us to just jump out of a plane, not knowing where we'll end up?" Leela asked.

"I think there's a slim chance of any of us making to the ground alive," Huey pointed out.

"Do we even get parachutes at least?" Peter asked.

"My bosses told me that I have to make sure you have a parachute before you jump out," Chris frowned.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Brian - **I think Chris has it out for Ezekiel.

* * *

It had already been six hours since they had taken off for their first destination, and all of the contestants were bored out of their minds. They had no idea where they were going, and they hadn't seen Chris for a while, meaning something evil was in the works.

"Every second we're getting closer to adventure and further away from Momma," DJ slumped in his seat in the gallery table.

"Wow, you're a pussy," Shake mocked, causing everyone nearby to glare at him.

**Ring**

What the hell was that?" Kyle asked.

The lights went off and a spotlight appeared near the pathway. There, Chris stepped out in a formal tuxedo.

"Whenever you hear that friendly little bell, it's musical number time!" Chris declared, "So…let's hear it."

"But," Courtney murmured, "What are we supposed to sing?"

"Make it up as you go. Wouldn't be challenging otherwise, now would it?"

_"Up," Courtney sang._

_"Up," Izzy added._

_"Up," Sierra continued._

_"Up," Lindsay concluded._

_"Sing," Harold began._

_"Sing," Cody continued._

_"Sing," said DJ._

_"Sing," Tyler concluded._

_The girls, minus Gwen, then sang, "We're flying!"_

_The guys, minus Duncan and Stan, then added, "We're singing!"_

_They all then sang together, "We're flying and singing!"_

_"Come fly with us!" Sierra sang as she pushed Cody down the aisle, "Come fly with us!"_

_"Got a lot of crazy tunes to bust!" Izzy shouted from an overhead compartment._

_"Come fly with us," Bridgette then continued, stepping up on a chair._

_"Come fly with us," Lindsay continued._

_It's a pleasure," Al sang, as he grabbed both of them by the hand and pulled them down next to him, which caused Bridgette to blush, "And an honor and a must!"_

_"Dudes!" Duncan shouted, "This is messed. You're singing in a plane!"_

_"What did you expect," Malloy pointed out, "The host is fucking insane!_

_"Yeah," Gwen then said, "But guys, you're singing on TV!"_

_"Haven't you always wanted to," Courtney sang, as she danced around the goth with pride, "It can't just be me!"_

_"Come fly with us," DJ and Leshawna sang but nearly fell over as plane started to shake._

_It cuts to the cockpit showing Heather holding onto her seat for dear life while Chef is just lounging on the pilot's seat._

_"Do you even know how to steer this thing?!" Heather said frantically._

_"I tried," Chef replied casually._

_The scene changes to show Ezekiel coming out from one of the briefcases in the cargo hold, far away from everybody else, though he still heard their song. He then sang, "They thought they could leave me and depart, but this stowaway's got winning in his heart."_

_Noah then looked out of the window in fear._

_"Come fly with us, come die with us!"_

_"Flying, I hate flying stop the plane!" Owen screamed as he was once again knocked out by a frying pan._

_"Come fly with us," Fry, Ed, Courtney, Peter, Cody, DJ, and Heather sang to Gwen , Duncan, and Stan who still refused to sing, "come sing with us."_

_"No!" they shouted._

_"Do you want a copy of the Season 3 rules," Chris suddenly pulled out a large pile of papers, "Because in order to avoid instant elimination…"_

_Bridgette stole the paper and sang, "All contestants must sing in each show."_

_"Duncan do it," Courtney sang, "let's go!"_

_"Gwen sing it," Cody snag, "don't go!"_

_"I don't wanna go home," Gwen said, "Come fly with us! Come fly with us! Come and fly with us!"_

_"Duncan come on please?!" Courtney pleaded._

_"Dude, if you do it, then I do it," Stan offered, "This asshole won't stop bugging us until we do."_

_"…Fine," Duncan sighed._

_"This sucks!" they both yelled out._

_"Yeah!"_

"Thank God that's over!" Malloy shouted, as he grabbed the frying pan and hit Chris in the testicles with it causing Chris to once again clutch his balls in agony.

"I think this is the perfect time for a commercial break."

* * *

Chris had finally woken up after a few hours, and he was sitting down on the bench. Suddenly, everybody heard the intercom blazed on.

"Enough singing fruitcakes!" Chef shouted, "We are now beginning our descent into Egypt, so strap yourself in," he then grumbled, " Musical numbers, stupid Chris doesn't have an original bone in his body," he then looked down at the microphone, "Uh oh, the intercom was still on."

* * *

They had finally landed at their first destination, Egypt. All of the contestants were standing outside the plane near the pyramids.

"Man, it's hot as hell around here," Riley complained.

"What are you complaining about? At least your body isn't covered in fur," Brian retorted as he was sweating heavily from the intense heat.

"You guys ready for some fun?" Chris asked as he was carried over by two interns.

"Why are you dressed like a fag?" Cartman asked, causing several of the others to snicker.

Chris glared at the fat boy for a moment before resuming, "Wow, it's a scorcher out here huh?" he took a sip of his drink, he then looked over at the pyramid, "I call this challenge Pyramid Over Under!"

"An eleven hour flight, Chef's in-flight cuisine, a forced musical number, and _now _we've got a challenge?!" Leshawna demanded in disbelief.

"Don't you just love this game?" Chris beamed as an intern waved a leaf fan to cool Chris off.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Double D - **The food was disgusting! It could almost be considered a health hazard!

**Kyle- **I hate him so much.

**Huey - **You are now on my list McLean.

**(End)  
**

* * *

"It's like we're being cooked in a giant oven…!" Harold moaned as everyone stood at the starting line before a pyramid.

"It might help if you weren't dressed up as a giant baked potato!" Leshawna replied as she glared at the tin-foil hat Harold wore.

"Aluminum foil means the aliens can't read your brains," Harold explained.

"Heh…nerd," said Homer.

"Aright," Chris explained, "Pyramid over and under means that you get to pick how you get through the pyramid, either over or under the pyramid. Got it?"

They all nodded.

"Okay, ready, set…"

"Wait up, yo! You guys! Wait up!" Ezekiel called as he ran over. "I told you I wasn't gonna lose this time eh!"

"Didn't we leave you in like Halifax or White Horse or whatever?" Chris demanded.

"Tch, it's called landing gear homey! I climbed it and hid in the cargo!"

"Impressive, but…you're still out."

"No way! I'm in it to win it! Word!" Ezekiel argued.

"Okay…it's your funeral," Chris chuckled before banging together two cymbals.

All the contestants ran to the pyramid, taking either of the routes.

* * *

They skidded to a halt when they entered a chamber with three paths.

"Oh great," Noah groaned. "Our friendly neighborhood host failed to mention there would be different paths."

"I say we go down the path with the mummy door," said Homer.

He then ran down the left path with Peter, Fry, Cartman, and Kenny right behind him.

"Hey Sierra," Heather shouted, "Which way do you think we should go?"

"Me?" Sierra said, "Well…um…"

"How do you know which way is right?" Owen asked with confusion.

"Oh I know, you lick your finger and hold it up to see the air flow!" Izzy said, she then turned to DJ, "Ok DJ, give me your hand."

"Don't do it DJ, you might catch a case of crazy!" Leshawna said, leading herself, DJ, Harold, Brak, Stan, Kyle, Grim, and Billy who wanted to stay close to the lord of death, down the middle path which had a scarab picture on the top.

"Well I'm going this way, anyone who's smart enough to not follow the idiot and the lunatic can follow me," Brian said as he led Stewie, Malloy, Zorak, Mandy, Leela, Early, Rusty, Huey, Riley, Cody, Heather and Sierra down the path with the sacred symbol on it.

"Oh, let's just follow that yellow guy," Izzy said.

Reluctantly, Noah, Owen, Shake, Frylock, Meatwad, and Granddad followed her.

* * *

Bridgette, Lindsey, Tyler, and The Eds stared up at the pyramid, all wowed by its size.

"Is it too late to go under?" Tyler asked.

"Look at Alejandro and Boiler, their doing okay," Lindsey looked up to see Alejandro jumping gracefully up the giant steps of the pyramid while Bender was stretching his limbs to leap across the steps, "But Alejandro's like the super cutest mountain goat in the world!"

"Wait, I can be a goat!" Tyler shouted.

Alejandro jumped down and offered Bridgette and Lindsay a hand, "May I be of assistance?" he asked, before lifting them up the pyramid.

"Lindsay, I'm a goat, Baa!" Tyler shouted after his girlfriend.

"Come on guys, we gotta catch up to them," said Eddy as he began to climb up the pyramid steps.

"Excuse me Eddy, but I think I have a simpler solution," Double D said as he calmly began to turn a corner of the pyramid.

"Oh," Eddy said with understanding, before turning to Ed, "Why in the heck did no else think of that?"

Ed just responded with a simple shrug.

* * *

Duncan cringed as Courtney tied a rope between them.

"Rock climbing was a team building challenge when I was a CIT," she explained, "So my superior belay skills are going to win us this challenge."

"Hey Gwen!" Duncan shouted, noticing the Goth girl climbing the side of the pyramid, "You going over too?"

"Working on it!" Gwen replied.

"I think Gwen could use a hand," Duncan offered.

"Fine," Courtney groaned, "But only because three in a group is stronger.

* * *

Izzy smiled as she saw a pile of large bandages lying in the middle of the floor.

"Ooh look, we're in the nurse's office," she squealed.

"It's a pyramid, not a high school." Noah groaned.

"Costume Party!" she shouted, throwing the bandages into Owen, Noah, Peter, and Homer's hands, "Mummy me!"

"How the hell does this win us the challenge?" Frylock asked.

"Just go along with it, it's rare when Izzy doesn't get what she wants," said Noah.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Frylock - **Why the hell did I feel a chill run up my spine?

**(End)  
**

* * *

"Lindsey!" Tyler shouted, as he reached up to his girlfriend, "Wait up!"

He then got stung by a scorpion, which sent him falling down the pyramid in a rather humorous way.

* * *

Sierra accidentally stepped on a small lever, which sent dozens of spears flying through the air. Everyone was able to dodge all the spears, and they all glared at Sierra intensely.

"Oops," she offered.

"Fuck you," said Malloy.

* * *

"And your form is appalling," Courtney concluded, as she lectured the Goth girl who was climbing beneath her.

"Gee, Courtney," Gwen shouted, "I was just wondering that!"

"You know you're only here because I'm feeling nice today," Courtney said smugly.

"Wow, this is you being nice?" she then shouted to Duncan, who was in the front, "My sympathies!"

"Are you hearing this Duncan? You're not gonna let her get away with that!"

Duncan just sighed. Their arguing was really starting to get on his nerves.

* * *

"That's a real dog," DJ said as his group was running through the inner maze of the pyramid. "Poor little guy."

"DJ, we do not have time to cry over a stuffed dog!" Leshawna shouted.

"Besides, why do you even give a crap about it anyway, it's already dead," said Stan.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you," warned Grim.

"Hey there little buddy, I wish I had a biscuit to give you." He then reached out and petted the dog, which caused it to disintegrate. Suddenly the entire pyramid began to shake, and beetles began to fall from the ceiling.

"Scarabs!" Harold shouted, as they all ran to the exit.

"YOU DUMBASS!" screamed Stan.

* * *

"Izzy!' Owen called, "Izzy!"

"Dude, she's lost, we gotta go," Noah noted.

"Oh, poor Iz," groaned Owen.

"Poor Iz?" Cartman asked, "That crazy bitch kept leading us in circles, all because she smelt something lucky."

"Uh, I think that might have been my fault," Owen laughed, "Airplane food."

* * *

"Guys? Anybody?" Ezekiel called out, "An intercom? What the shizzle? Yo playas!" Ezekiel pressed a button on the wall causing a large pile of bandages plus a few artifacts to crush him.

* * *

Currently on the top of the pyramid stood Lindsey, Bridgette, Alejandro, and Bender. All four were looking down on the pyramid's side.

"It's too steep for me to carry you down," Alejandro explained.

"And I do better at going up than down," said Bender.

"There must be an easier way," said Bridgette, she then saw a conveniently placed sign next to her, with great swiftness, she pulled the sign out. This accidentally caused it to hit Tyler in the face, sending him tumbling down the pyramid once more.

* * *

Leshawna's group ran out of the pyramid and into the sun. There they saw Chris, still in Egyptian garb, standing at the finish line. They all crossed it signaling that they arrived first.

"Good work guys!" congratulated Chris.

"We're first?" DJ began, "We're first!"

"Alright, wicked ending for team one, which has nearly all of its members."

"Nearly?" Leshawna asked. She was answered when Chris angrily pointed to the three Eds.

"They went around," Chris seethed, "Which, while faster, was not interesting or funny at all."

* * *

Meanwhile, Brian's group was busy running from the lives from Izzy dressed as a mummy who was singing a weird song about Frankenstein's bride.

* * *

"Hey brickhouse, I found your girl," said Noah.

"Iz!" Owen said joyfully, "Say, you do make a cute mummy."

The mummy in question was actually Ezekiel covered in bandages but Owen didn't know that. Owen was about to kiss him when Ezekiel grunted in disgust, causing Noah and the rest of the group to widen their eyes in realization.

"That's not Izzy!" Noah shouted in fear, "Run!"

"Holy crap!" shouted Peter, "Let's get outta here!"

* * *

Back outside, Al. Bender, Bridgette, and Lindsey finished surfing down the pyramid on a road sign, just near the finish line.

"Awesome!" Bridgette cheered.

"Ladies, after you," Alejandro said as he gestured as both girls joined Team One.

When Bender and Al attempted to join them, Chris stopped them.

"Not so fast, this season, three teams!" Chris announced, "Bridgette and Lindsey round out team one, Alejandro and Bender, you're the first members of team two."

"In Egyptian its Eight-Nain," Harold informed.

"Nobody gives a crap," said Kyle who was annoyed by Harold's random facts.

"If it's any consolation, you get…" Chris began before Tyler tumbled to the ground like a rag doll.

"Uh…Tyler, is it?" Alejandro asked.

"Yep, and you also get…" Chris motioned to Homer's group who was seen running out of the pyramid screaming in terror, "Congratulations."

"That's..." Alejandro said in apprehension, "Wonderful."

* * *

**(BC)  
**

**Alejandro- **_/bleep/_ Quo idiotas! _/bleep/ _Incompententes! _/bleep/_

**(End)  
**

* * *

Heather's group were the last ones to run out of the pyramid with Sierra in the lead carrying Cody for no reason whatsoever.

"Oh I'm so happy we found you, Heather aren't you so happy!" Sierra exclaimed.

"I'm so happy I could scream," Heather seethed.

After crossing the finish line, Sierra asked for a group hug, what she got was a "hell no, "from Stewie, a "that's gay," remark from Riley, and a threat to slit Sierra's throat from Malloy.

"Sierra, go join Team 2," said Chris, "Heather, Cody, Brian, and the rest of you. You'll be on Team 3."

"Where's Gwen?," Cody noticed "Not like I care, just curious."

"You keep telling yourself that, kid," said Zorak.

"I'm telling you, we need to untie!" Gwen argued with Courtney on top of the pyramid.

"And I'm telling you that it's unsafe!" Courtney growled, "I'm in charge!"

"Oh, kids~!" Chris called over the microphone before ringing a familiar bell.

"This shit again?" Stan asked.

"Recognize that sound? Time for whoever's not finished yet to give us a little musical reprise!"

"You said one song per episode!" Duncan snapped.

"Yeah, and this is a reprise! Not a new song, just adding to the previous one! So if you don't sing, you're out! So let's hear it!" Chris called via megaphone.

"You know what? No!" Duncan snapped as he pulled the two girls down the pyramid with him, "No, no, no, no, no!" Three hours of these two squawking in this stupid pyramid in this stupid heat and now you want me to _sing_?! Forget it!"

"Dude, you have a contract," Chris pointed out.

"Eat it, Mclean!" Duncan snapped as he cut the ropes, "If you need me, I'll be in the plane waiting for a ride home because I'm out! Done! I quit!"

Courtney and Gwen gasped as Duncan headed for the plane.

Gwen lowered her head looking downtrodden.

"Hi," Cody said while offering Gwen a hand "Looks like we're teammates."

* * *

**(BC)**

**Cody- **Girls on the rebound are the best! They cry, you get to buy them a pop and listen. And then...well, they still won't go out with you, but you still buy them a pop!

**Malloy- **He thinks that's how you get a girlfriend?! What a fucking moron!

**(End)  
**

* * *

Izzy soon came running out with Ezekiel in tow, they were both still covered in bandages.

"Izzy no!" screamed Owen.

"You're carrying the undead!" shouted Homer.

"It'll eat your brains," Homer screamed.

"Cool!" Izzy exclaimed before Ezekiel jumped out of her arms and took of the bandages.

"Thanks for all the help ya knobs!" Ezekiel said with an irritated look on his face.

"Izzy, you're joining Team Two," Chris said.

"Telatah," Harold informed.

"Oh my God, will you just shut the hell up already?!" Stan growled.

"Come on guy, after all this you gotta let me back in the game!" Zeke pleaded.

"Fine," Chris scowled as he pushed Zeke down, "But only because we're down a man thanks to Duncan McQuittypants, so go ahead and join Team One."

"Yes!" Ezekiel cheered.

"Okay teams, talk amongst yourselves and determine a team name," Chris instructed, "You'll have three minutes while I enjoy…" he held up an ice cream cone, "…this ice cream cone."

"Team Victory!" Team One shouted, as a small trophy symbol appeared over their heads.

"Team Amazon!" Team Three shouted as a small Female symbol appeared over their heads, the guys looked pissed over the name.

"Why the hell are we called that?! There are more guys than girls on this team!" Brian demanded.

"Take a look at you guys, most of you are just little kids and animals," Heather pointed out.

"So that means that us girls are your superiors!" Courtney said arrogantly.

Needless to say the guys didn't take too kindly to those remarks and they silently swore revenge on Courtney and Heather.

* * *

**(BC)  
**

**Brian - **Oh it's on now.

**Stewie- **How dare those vile women say that to me! those two are so on my shitlist!

**Malloy- **Good call Heather, good thing I don't take insults like that _/ narrows eyes/ _personally.

**(End)  
**

* * *

The members of Team Two continued to discuss their name while Sierra was quiet.

"Got It! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot!" Sierra declared as a symbol with Chris' face appeared above their heads.

"What?" Team Two screamed at her.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Kenny muffled.

"All right!" Best team name ever!" Chris beamed with a thumbs up to Sierra, "And here are your rewards. Team Amazon, you win a camel! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really _Really _Hot…"

"I think there only four 'Reallys'," Alejandro corrected.

"…You win a goat!" Chris finished, letting the goat plow into Tyler.

"And Team Victory? Here you go," Chris informed as he handed Leshawna a stick.

"So the guys who came in last get a camel and we get a _stick_?!" Leshawna demanded.

"What kind of bullshit is that?!" Stan shouted.

"All will be explained if I feel like it…next time! On Total! Drama! World Tour~!"

* * *

**AN: Phew that took a while! Sorry for taking so long. Hope you all liked it.**

**Here are the teams:**

Team Victory: _DJ, Bridgette, Leshawna, Harold, Lindsay, Ezekiel, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Stan, Kyle, Billy, Grim, Brak._

Team Amazon: _Gwen, Heather, Courtney, Cody, Izzy, Brian, Stewie, Mandy, Malloy, Leela, Zorak, Early, Rusty, Huey, Riley._

Team Chris IRRRRH: _Alejandro, Noah, Owen, Tyler, Sierra, Peter, Homer, Cartman, Kenny, Fry, Bender, Master Shake, Frylock, Meatwad, Granddad._

**Eliminated: **_Duncan**  
**_

**Be sure to remember to write a review, also some suggestions for original challenges and locations.**


	3. Chapter 3

AN:** Well, here's a new chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters used in this story.  
**

* * *

The scene opens with Chris in first class, "Let's take a moment to review some features of our aircraft," Chris explained as clips of the previous episode played, "Safety is our number one priority, so please remain seated with your seat belts fastened at all times. The plane has one exit located here. As we explore exotic destinations, take time to familiarize yourself with the local architecture." It cuts to a clip of Tyler falling down the pyramid, "The world is our playground! But remember…" It then cut to Duncan quitting, "Refusal to sing will lead to immediate disqualification. When dividing into teams, make sure to give your crew a catchy handle. Upon arrival at our final destination, one lucky competitor will receive a parting gift to remember. _On_e _Million Dollars! _ It changed back to Chris in first class, "So stow that carry-on baggage and lock those tray tables in the upright position. We're taking off on one crazy ride!" It cut to outside of the jumbo jet, "Right now, on Total. Drama. World Tour~!"

* * *

***Cue Opening Theme*  
**

* * *

"Aw look, team colors!" Izzy beamed as the three teams were either on a magenta mat (Team Amazon), a yellow mat (Team Victory), or a blue mat (Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot) with their prizes.

"Why the heck is our mat yellow?" Harold complained, "We're no cowards!"

"Looks more like gold to me," Grim noted.

"You said it skeleton man, because Team Victory's in first place!" Leshawna smirked.

"I can't believe Duncan got disqualified," Gwen sighed, "Just cause he won't sing!"

"Uh, news flash Emo chick, none of us wanted to," Malloy said which caused Gwen to glare at the bear cub.

"Maybe he can't sing," Heather noted.

"Oh, he can do anything he sets his mind to," Courtney informed before frowning, "And now he's stuck on the plane, waiting for a ride home. Poor thing. He must be miserable."

"He seemed rather relieved to me," Huey noted.

* * *

Back on the plane, Duncan was relaxing in first class. As he drank a glass of juice, he began to hum 'Come Fly With Us.' Chris popped out from out of nowhere.

"Did I just hear you…"

"No."

"Cause it sounded like you were…"

"But I wasn't and I never will!"

Chris scowled. He made a 'I'm watching you' gesture at Duncan before leaving. Duncan smirked before going back to his drink.

* * *

"Duncan and Courtney fans will be devastated, but I think you and Owen will become the number one favorite couple on my Total Drama Fansite," Sierra complimented to Izzy.

"Owen's magic! When he breathes, his nose whistles Canada's national anthem!" Izzy beamed as Owen's nose was doing just that.

"Whoa, that is awesome!" Peter exclaimed.

"Super cute," Sierra noted as Cody walked by, "But he's no Cody. Did you know that Cody slept with a stuffed emu named Jerry until he was…" she took a deep breath, "Well, okay, he still does."

"And you know this _how_?" Noah asked.

"I called his aunt once. I pretended I was a telemarketer," Sierra explained as Frylock raised an eyebrow.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Frylock - **Looks like I'm going to have to help Cody file a restraining order against that crazy bitch.

**Noah - **Cody, I feel sorry for you.

**(End)  
**

* * *

A gong interrupted all conversation after that. They turned to see Chef lowering some cymbals while Chris was sitting on two interns. A third was waving a leaf fan at him.

"Don't know about you guys, but I'm _loving _Egypt!" Chris grinned as he ate a few grapes dropped into his mouth by another intern, "And I'm gonna love it even more while _you _compete in your second challenge; the Amazing Camel Race!"

"Where are the other camels?" Harold asked.

"There are no other camels," Chris explained, "It's a _Camel _race, not a _Camels_ race.

"Yes!" Heather pumped her fist.

"What?!" Alejandro gasped.

"We won last time, but they get a camel, they get a goat, and we get a _stick_?!" Leshawna demanded.

"Just what the hell are you trying to pull here Mclean?!" Stan yelled.

"Each reward has its own advantages; trust me," Chris informed.

"I'll bet," said Eddy.

You'll be racing to the world's infamous waterway; the Nile," Chris explained, "Team must bring their rewards all the way to the finish. You have sixty seconds to strategize!"

"Move it people," Heather ordered as she got on one of the camel's humps, "It's a race."

Um, this is a team, not a dictatorship," Leela said with an irritated frown.

"Great, well I'll stop being bossy when you start doing things right."

"Well, this isn't the first time I rode on a camel," Brian noted as he got up behind Heather.

I'm getting on the head," said Early as he crawled up the camel's neck and latched himself on top of the camel's head while Izzy hugged the camel's neck.

"Whee! Yeah, I get the front!" Izzy cheered before braying a bit," I just introduced myself in camel-ese."

"Does she always talk like that?" Huey said to Gwen.

"You have no idea."

* * *

**(BC)**

**Zorak - **I forgot that she's nuts.

**Malloy -** She's quite the psycho bitch, but I've seen crazier.

**(End)  
**

* * *

"So what do you think Chris has in store for us?" Mandy asked.

"Probably something life threatening," Cody replied as he got up on the camel. He was about to try and flirt with Gwen before Mandy grabbed him by his collar and pulled him up close.

"Keep it together lover boy or else," Mandy threatened.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Cody - **Okay that new girl scares me, she's meaner than a snake. But I won't give up! I'll win over Gwen eventually. It's just a matter of time...and persistence...and humiliation. And I was born to be humiliated.

**(End)  
**

* * *

"We need no camel! We have each other and we are unstoppable," Alejandro informed Team CiRRRRH, "We have the will, and the strength, and together…we will triumph!"

Most of the team seemed to agree with him; however others were less than enthusiastic because they were either too oblivious or lazy to go along with it.

Meatwad was busy eating sand for some weird reason, Granddad had his arms crossed looking pissed off, Peter was picking at his belly button, and Sierra was giving a neutral yet annoyed expression.

"You know Frylock, this would be a lot easier if you brought the cart with us," Shake said, glaring at Frylock.

"The contract said that vehicles weren't allowed Shake! Besides, you need the exercise anyway!" Frylock replied.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Sierra - **Okay, look, I'm the number one Total Drama Superfan. It says so right in my blog. But Alejandro? He's never even been on TV before. I've never seen _him_ in '_Cute Teen Monthly._' I do not know what these girls see in him. They're loco.

**Bridgette -** I really have to thank Double D. The guy's a good distraction from Alejandro's looks. Geoff, okay, I know that it looks bad, but double D's been a good friend in helping me without even knowing it.

**(End)  
**

* * *

"Hey, I know what we can use this stick for, to squash bugs!" Billy said stupidly as he began to swing the stick around until he accidentally jabbed Ezekiel in the eye.

"Give me that you idiot!" yelled Grim as he snatched the stick from Billy before handing it to Double D.

"Or we could use it to look for the river," Double D informed.

"Say what now, sockhead?" Leshawna asked as Double D removed some of the excess branching to make it more like a 'Y.'

"It's a dousing rod, we can hold it by these two branches and it will lead us to a source of water," Double D explained.

* * *

"Owen, Homer, Sierra, up-up," Alejandro informed.

Team Chris decided that Bender should carry the goat with half of the team riding on top while the other half still had to walk, since the robot was their strongest member it was the logical choice.

"This is awesome Ale-handout…or Ale-Kazam. Ah, I'm just gonna call ya 'Al,' okay?" Peter laughed, "Whoo! Go Al!"

"Yeah. This is gonna work," Noah noted to Tyler, the former carrying Sierra on his shoulders while the latter had Homer while he had Owen on his shoulders and Peter and Fry were at the bottom standing on top of the goat.

"Have faith, Noah. Believe in us," Alejandro assured as he picked up onto his shoulders and jumped onto Owen and Sierra's shoulders, making them stop swaying on Bender's arms and shoulders.

"Whoa…We're perfectly balanced!" Tyler awed.

"Okay. Color me impressed," Noah noted.

"Heh, I could do this all day," Bender said

"That's Bender for you," Fry noted, "All right, buddy, let's head out!"

* * *

**(CC)**

**Alejandro** \- It was just basic weight distribution. Anyone with a degree in engineering or an IQ of 163 or higher could figure it out. By the way…*turns to Chef*…You're doing a magnificent job of flying this plane.

**Chef -** Who? Me? Nah…

**Alejandro - **Now, now, don't blush. It's true.

**Chef **\- /_chuckles sheepishly_/

**(End)  
**

* * *

"Aright! Nile's that-a-way!" Chris informed as he pointed in a direction, "Kinda big, blue, and watery. Can't miss it or…I guess you can, but then you'll die. Probably get killed by the local scarab beetles. It's mating season and they get all 'killy' when they're in heat."

"I'm glad there aren't any out here, those things are nasty," said Leshawna.

"I'll tell them you said so," Chris grinned as Chef pushed the vase over, releasing a swarm of angry scarabs upon everyone.

Everyone screamed and Tyler screamed like a girl as the beetles began to swarm. The two Interns Chris was sitting on were quickly engulfed and released, ending up as mere skeletons after ten seconds.

"You just had to say it didn't you?!" Kyle stated to Leshawna.

"How was I supposed to know Chris had an entire _vase _full of scarabs?"

"The stick will save us, hop on guys! Go stick!" Lindsay shouted as she stood on the stick hoping it would move to no avail.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Grim - **Great, someone about as dumb as Billy.

**(End)  
**

* * *

"I got this!" Grim shouted as he took out his scythe and started blasting scarabs with its magic.

He cackled as many scarabs died under the might of the Grim Reaper.

"Everyone, the dousing rod is pointing in that direction!" Double D exclaimed while pointing at a sand dune.

"You heard sockhead, let's go!" Eddy shouted as Team Victory ran after Double D.

"Hey, wait up!" Heather called before a familiar ringing went off.

"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me…!" Malloy scowled.

"Ooh! Time for a song! Think of it as a mini-challenge," Chris explained, "Music can tame the savage mate-seeking scarabs. So, make up a good song and maybe they won't kill ya."

"But what about Team Victory?" Courtney demanded.

"They're out of range," Chris replied as he watched them go over a dune.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Heather -** We should have followed them!

**Malloy – **I'm going to murder Chris one day.

**(End)  
**

* * *

"So sing. Or don't…and get disqualified like Duncan," Chris continued.

"Yay!" Izzy cheered as everyone else groaned.

"All in favor of just getting this over with?" Huey asked.

"Aye," everyone replied as the music began to play.

* * *

**Alejandro:**_ No need to get crazy. It's lovin' time at last!_

**Cody, Noah, Tyler, Brian, Stewie, Homer, Fry, and Alejandro:**_ You don't wanna eat us up._

**Owen:**_ We're mostly full of gas. No, no!_

**Gwen, Courtney, and Heather:**_ It's mating time for scarabs._

**Leela:**_ So, what'cha waiting on?_

**Izzy: **_Just ignore us humans!_

**Everyone:**_ And make out till the break of dawn!_

**Alejandro and Cody:**_ It's lovin' time_.

**Gwen, Courtney, Leela, and Heather:**_ Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

**Alejandro:**_ Scarab mating season._

**Alejandro, Brian, and Cody:**_ It's lovin' time_

**Gwen, Leela, Courtney, and Heather:**_ Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

**Alejandro: **_Scarabs, get busy now..._

**Malloy:**_ It's lovin' time._

**Gwen, Leela, Courtney, and Heather:**_ Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

**Everyone (except Leela, Gwen, Courtney, and Heather): **_Scarab mating season._

**Cody:**_ It's lovin' time._

**Gwen, Leela, Courtney, and Heather:**_ Lovin' time, lovin' time..._

**Everyone (except Leela, Gwen, Courtney, and Heather):**_ Scarab mating season!_

It was then Homer burped, ruining the song. The hearts that had formed in the eyes of the scarabs vanished quickly and they began to attack the retreating passengers. Kenny was unable to get away in time and was promptly devoured by the swarming insects.

"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" Stan shouted from a distance.

"You Bastards!" Kyle chorused.

"Nice one," Chris grinned ignoring Kenny's seeming demise before turning on a klaxon, "Go!" he turned to the cameras, "Who else is gonna die? And who's going 'bye-bye?' Find out after the break on Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~ur~!"

* * *

"Faster, camel, faster!" Courtney ordered.

"Nah girl, that's not how you do it," Early said before pulling out his shot gun and begun to shoot rounds into the air, "Come on you damn camel, gitty yup!"

"How did he get that pass security?!" Gwen yelped.

"My daddy has his ways," Rusty replied.

"Shh! Guys, keep it down. I'm trying to read him a fairytale," Izzy informed as she began to bray once more.

"So how's it going back there, Cody?" Gwen asked awkwardly, looking at Cody while he rode behind Courtney.

"Not too bad," Cody replied before his rear got whacked by the camel's tail when it tried to hit a fly, "Yeow! Only problem is his tail when a fly lands on me. Thanks for asking!"

"We're going to go win the race now!" Heather waved at Team CiRRRH.

"Eat sand, losers!" Courtney called as Heather blew a raspberry at them.

Such witty remarks from such fiercely intelligent women. I'm both humbled and intrigued." Alejandro said while smirking suavely.

"Nice try, but I'm with Duncan," Courtney replied.

"And what a pity it is to give yourself to a quitter, who doesn't _deserve_ you."

"That's not…Duncan is totally…you're just…will someone hurry this camel up!" Courtney ordered flabbergasted by Alejandro's response.

"Ha! He got you good!" Stewie laughed.

Heather looked at the Latin boy, who simply winked at her. She snarled.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Heather -** Oh, he's good. Really good. Seriously, what is his deal? He's just so... perfect! Ugh!

**(End)  
**

* * *

"Can you see The Nile, Izzy?" Gwen asked.

"Why are you asking crazy bitch?" Malloy asked.

"It's got to be around here!" exclaimed Courtney

"Too bad Chris didn't give us a map or even a compass, it would've made it easier" Cody complained. Most of the teenagers were horrified at the thought of going across the desert with no map or water. And Cody was one of them.

While the conversation went up, Alejandro looked at a side, and suddenly, his eyes went wide. He eyed at a sight of blue, which looked like a stream. It was the Nile River. He also saw Team Victory there, already the first ones to arrive.

"Hold on everyone, I'll change our route!"

As Alejandro swifted his hips from one side to the other, the goat guided them to the next part of the challenge. As soon as they were gone, Cody noticed something.

"Hey, where are they?"

The whole Team Amazon then noted that Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot was gone.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Alejandro -** Perhaps it would have been kind to show the girl's team which way to go... but you've seen my team. We need all the help we can get. I'm stuck with a know-it-all weakling, a human fart machine, two fat idiots, a pathetic excuse of an athlete, an alcoholic robot, a foul mouthed obese child, talking fast food, an insane fangirl, a nagging old man, and Fry. But that doesn't mean I have to put up with them. Just you wait.

**(End)**

* * *

"Uh guys, the other team is gone! We're all alone here!" Gwen announced.

"Does anyone know where we are?" Brian asked.

"Planet Earth silly," Izzy replied.

"Okay, anyone that's not a total lunatic?"

"It's official we're lost," said Zorak.

"Ain't that a bitch," Riley inputted.

* * *

Due to Double D's navigational skills, Team Victory were the first ones to arrive at the Nile River. the team could see that the finish line was on the _other _side of the river and the fact that it was also infested with crocodiles.

"Alright, we made it here first!" Leshawna exclaimed.

"But the damn finish line is on the other side," Stan informed.

"Oh give me a break!" Eddy yelled.

a few moments later Team Chris arrived as well.

"That's the finish line! Owen exclaimed

"Yeah, on the other side! Noah added in annoyance.

"Be welcome to the third part of the Egyptian challenge!" Chris announced from the other side.

Owen tried getting what Chris had just said, but it was too distant, "WHAAAT? SPEAK UP!"

All he heard was Chris talking gibberish, then turned to his teammates.

"What the did hell did he say?" Peter asked.

Chris, very annoyed with anger, snapped his fingers and signaled at Chef, who gave him a very big megaphone.

"I SAID WELCOME TO THE THIRD AND FINAL EGYPTIAN CHALLENGE, YOU DUPE!"

The force of the voice was so powerful that the contestants felt wind and sound waves blowing their hair back.

"Weave a basket boat out of reeds. Your basket has to be big enough to hold your whole team, including your reward of the last challenge, which means Goat-face over there!"

"Hey!" Tyler exclaimed offended.

"I think he meant the goat," Alejandro corrected while jerking his thumb towards the mammal.

"Oh cool. Ha, thanks!"

"Moron," Bender muttered.

"AND YOU'RE GOING TO USE THE BASKET TOGETHER WITH THOSE OARS TO ROW YOURSELVES ACROSS THE FINISH LINE! The first team across flies to first class to our next destination."

"This is perfect!" Sierra cheered.

"What? The fact that we're hosed?"

"I'm a fourth-generation basket weaver!"

"Yeah!" Owen cheered.

"We're gonna need a lot of reeds," Sierra noted as she quickly began to collect the supplies.

"Ed, go do what she's doing!" Eddy ordered.

"Roger Wilko Eddy!" Ed exclaimed as he began to collect reeds as well.

* * *

Meanwhile, Team Amazon was in a never ending argument about which direction to take, and you couldn't really tell what they were saying between Heather's barking, Zorak's bitching, and Early's wailing. But thanks to Huey's quick thinking, Team Amazon was soon going in the right direction.

When Team Amazon finally made it to the Nile, Heather was already not pleased with what they had to do. She was even less pleased when they saw Team Victory and Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot, and what they were making. Double D, DJ and Harold were building their basket boat with all the reeds they could find.

"Basket-weave a boat! Aaaagh!"

"Ha! Who's happy to have just one stick now?" Eddy asked the girls tauntingly as they were building a battle ship sized boat.

"Sorry you guys are so far behind. Our baskets are nearly done already thanks to my speed weaving ," Sierra boasted.

"But you got Owen on your team. Lucky!" said Izzy.

"But you have Cody, I know Cody, I wish we were on the same team too," Sierra replied as she ran over to Cody and put him in a bear hug.

"Aw you guys are so cute together!"

"Maybe we can swap teams!"

It was then decided that Izzy and Sierra would switch teams, only because Team Amazon wanted Izzy off the team for obvious reasons and because Sierra was sucking up to Chris by telling him how great he was. Alejandro was adamant at first but reluctantly agreed. Heather was delighted at his dilemma, but it was soon short lived as Alejandro blew a kiss at her.

"Wow she's amazing," Courtney marveled at Sierra as she was quickly weaved the team's boat.

"Maybe you should think about listening a bit more to me this time around" Heather said in all confidence. This made her whole team burst into laughing. Alejandro watched from not so afar.

"Don't give up! We still have a shot at this!" Alejandro reassured them.

"Al's right! Thanks Al" Peter said while helping his team build the basket.

Alejandro began shivering at the mention of that name.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Alejandro - **I have no problem being called...Al._ /shudders/_ Uh, that wasn't... it's just... chilly... in here._ /shudders again, wraps his arms around himself, then looks around/_

**(End)**_  
_

* * *

Now Team Amazon didn't have to worry about building the boat. They did, however, have to worry about bringing their camel on. Cody, Stewie, Malloy, and Riley tried pushing the animal in while Brian pulled.

"Come on you stupid camel!" Brian said while pulling the camel's neck with a rope "Ugh, get into the boat!"

"This fucking thing is more stubborn than a mule!" Malloy said while grunting.

"Stubborn and lazy!" Cody added. He tried to push harder, but that was a mistake, as the camel groaned and went number three. Cut to the females who looked in disgust as Cody's moans were heard.

"Cody!" Sierra screamed.

"Good lord, that's disgusting!" Stewie shouted.

"Fine, we'll do it ourselves. Come on!" Gwen declared as they went up to the camel. Heather walked over to Gwen with a stern look on her face.

"You're not the leader Weird Goth Girl, at best, you are a troublemaker."

"Zip it, Bitch! You want to win this or what?" Leela demanded.

"Well, I want to win first class, of course."

"Then I suggest you stop complaining and start to actually DO something," Huey said as the rest of the team tried pulling the camel onwards while Cody, whose face was covered in camel shit, collapsed to the ground.

Elsewhere, Team Victory and Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot have finished their boats and were ready to set sail with their more weightless rewards. The ships were made out of the remaining wood and tied together with reeds. They were about the size of Team Amazon's (if not a little bigger), but Team Chris Is Really Hot's (4x) did not have a room in the middle. There was also a small ramp that led up to it.

"To the water!" Alejandro commanded.

"It works! Awesome!" Owen laughed joyfully as Alejandro whistled for the goat to come. The mammal ran to to the Hispanic and hopped on his arms. As for Team Amazon, they were still trying to make the camel cooperate, but not even Leela's strength and skill was capable of lifting the quadrupedal beast.

"This is totally unfair! If it wasn't for that stupid slob, we'd be paddling across The Nile by now!" Heather screamed in frustration, which was loud enough for Albert to eavesadrop.

"We're going to win fair and square" Alejandro said "But to make sure you believe that, talk to the camel Izzy"

"Alejandro, are you crazy? Izzy's on OUR team, not theirs" Noah commented as he viewed the tall teen suspiciously.

"Noah's right, why should we help the enemy?" Courtney questioned.

"Because an unfair victory is not much worth. Now Izzy."

"Okay" the crazy girl then began making camel speech, which soon made the mammal comply and walk forwards to Team Amazon's boat. Soon, the three teams began their race by rowing.

"You know, Chef, I think this challenge is too simple for them." Chris told his partner in crime.

"I believe so." he replied.

"So..."

A familiar ring was heard.

"Time for a musical reprise!"

The contestants all groaned.

"Hey, if you finished the song the first time you wouldn't be here now..._Homer_," Chris grinned evilly at Homer.

Team Chris glared at the yellow man who was busy sleeping.

"Start singing, and put your backs into it."

* * *

**(BC)**

**Kyle -** That son of a bitch! First chance I get I'm kicking him in the balls!  
**  
Riley - **All this singing is real gay.

**(End)**

* * *

**Alejandro:** _Mm, mmm. Crocodile amigos, what'cha swarmin' for?_  
**Courtney:** _We don't mean to bug you!_  
**Gwen:** _Please let us reach the shore!_  
**Camel:** _(honks twice)_  
**Lindsay:** _These crocs are getting killy!_  
**Harold:** _Just bop 'em on the nose! I learned that in Muskrat Boys, it vanquishes all foes!_  
**Billy:** Uh oh!  
**Alejandro:** _It's rowin' time!_  
**Everyone else:** _Vanquishin'! Vanquishin'!_  
**Everyone:** _Crocodile season!_  
**DJ:** _It's rowin' time!_  
**Everyone else:** _Crocodiles! Crocodiles!_  
**DJ and Double D:** _Tell me I'm not sinkin'! _  
**Cody:** _Yeah, it's rowin' time!_  
**Everyone else:** _Sinkin' in, sinkin' in!_  
**Everyone:** _Crocodile season!_  
**Alejandro:** _It's rowin' time!_  
**Everyone else:** _Rowin' time! Rowin' time!_  
**Sierra**: _ 'Till the Amazons..._  
**Team Amazon:** _Wiiiiiiiiiin! Yeah!  
_

* * *

Team Amazon were the first ones to make it to shore and cross the finish line, with Team Victory coming in second, and Team Chris coming in last. Chris came to greet them.

"Congrats, you're alive," said Chris, "and as long as you all brought your rewards across the finish line, there will be no elimination tonight."

Everyone cheered.

"Oh yeah, I lost the stick when we were on that river!" Billy said stupidly, not realizing what he just cost his team.

"YOU WHAT?!" Eddy shouted.

Chris chuckled, "Wow. Sucks to be you."

* * *

"Team Victory, you came in second by just a nose, but you lost your reward," Chris noted in the Elimination Ceremony's room on the plane as it began to fly before narrowing his eyes at Billy, "_Billy._ So it's Vote Time! Up in the Loser Class bathroom, you'll find fourteen passports."

"Unless Billy fed them to a crocodile already," Harold pointed out as he glared at Billy who was busy picking his nose, not caring what he did.

"Stamp the passport of the team member you would like to send home. Got it?" Chris asked Team Victory, specifically… "Lindsey?"

"Of course! I _so_ get it!" Lindsey replied.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Lindsey -** _/stamps every single passport with glee/_

**Ezekiel -** /_shows Billy's passport and stamps it/_

**Leshawna -** /_stamps Billy's passport/_

**Grim -** Time to get rid of that little idiot. /_stamps Billy's passport/_

**Eddy -** /_stamps Billy's passport/_

**Kyle - **There's no room for dumbasses on this team. /_stamps Billy's passport/_

**DJ -** /_looks at the passports before Chris opens the door and taps his watch/_

**Harold -** /_holds up Billy's passport and stamps it/_

**Bridgette:** /_finishes putting eyeliner on before looking at the three passports before her stamps Billy's passport/_

**Double D - **I apologize, but you have to go /_stamps Billy's passport/_

**Stan -** I'm still pissed at DJ for making those scarabs fall on us /stamps DJ's passport/

**Ed - **Hi Mom!

**Billy - **/_farts in the confessional/_

**Brak - **Even I'm not that dumb _/stamps Billy's passport/  
_

* * *

"I've got the results of your votes right here," Chris informed as he held up 14 passports, "Those staying in the game will get in-flight snacks. Mmm~ Barfy! The following passengers are safe: Leshawna, Harold, Bridgette, Ed, Double D, Stan, Kyle, Lindsey, Eddy, Brak, Ezekiel, Grim and… The last bag of Peanuts goes to…"

DJ gulped as a cold sweat broke out on his face. Billy was still picking his nose before Chris tossed the peanut bag to…

"DJ!"

"Well Billy, it's time for you to take the Drop of Shame!"

"I get to jump out of a plane? Cool!" Billy shouted as he eagerly grabbed the parachute from Chris' hands and then proceeded to jump out of the plane.

"Well that was...uneventful," Chris said looking disappointed.

"What an idiot," Duncan smirked.

"Last stop for non-competitors!" Chris informed as he handed Duncan a parachute.

"Yeah, right. You're supposed to give me a ride home."

"Yes, but we're going the other way so..." suddenly, Chris gave the criminal a strong push, "Happy Landings!" he called out.

Duncan began screaming as he plummeted down below. He was so panicky and disoriented by Chris' action that he didn't have time to pull his parachute, least of all put it on. Duncan finally got his parachute open...but only to get it caught in a tree where he hung with a swarm of scarab beetles awaiting him below.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Ezekiel -** Yes! For once I'm not voted off first again! Prepare to lose to The Zeke losers! This year's winner is in the house!

**Alejandro -** Losing Sierra to Heather? Eh, tragic. But I still have the upper hand; the president of Cody's fan club doesn't know a thing about _me_. No one does. Nor does she know about those other new contestants. And I intend to keep it that way. Because compared to _me_, Heather's a _saint_!

**Malloy - **Looks like no one on my team suspects anything. Good, then I can start working my way up in this game. That Mexican asshole thinks he's in control, wait until he gets a load of _me!_

**(End)  
**

* * *

"Oh, finally, a pair of _real_ competitors! Where will out next destination take us?" Chris asked, wearing a pilot's outfit in the cockpit with Chef, "And will Owen get over his fear of flying?" he paused as he heard Owen screaming until a frying pan hitting something went off followed by a loud thud, "Find out next time on Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~ur!"

* * *

**AN: Okay that concludes this chapter. So yeah Billy's the first one eliminated, I didn't plan for him to last long as he didn't really add much to the story as there are already enough idiots running around in this show. Billy's elimination is the integration for Grim as a major character in this story. Also this was a fix-fic for the horrible derailment for Ezekiel's character in World Tour but what does this me for our prairie boy now that he has avoided elimination? You'll just have to wait and see. You'll also notice that Peter calls Alejandro "Al" instead of Owen, this is the starting point for Peter's role in the story.**

_**Eliminated:** Duncan, Billy_

**Like always, please remember to leave a review and also your own suggestions for new challenges and locations!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Alright then, here's the next chapter of War of the Cartoons.  
**

* * *

Last time on 'Total Drama World Tour'…" Chris began as he walked into First Class, "Egypt…Land of the Pyramids." He waved a hand before his face as he slumped over, "Land of Hot." He straightened up, "Land of Sweaty!" clips of the previous chapter began to play, "Our contestants had loads of fun, on the run, in the sun. _And_ they still found time to sight see a pyramid, chat up a camel, feed the crocs, and whack a few of them. Showing style on the Nile, Team Amazon managed to pull out a win; Billy became our first newbie to bite the dust and Zeke actually managed to unlose for once, shocker!. And as the sun began to set on the sandy…sands…of Egypt, we found out what happens to someone refuses to get along and sing the song." It changed to Chris in his pilot outfit in the cockpit with Chef, "But this week? Who's gonna sing? Who's gonna dare? Who's gonna sell out their friends for a chance at one…million…dollars? Welcome! To Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~ur!"

* * *

***Cue Theme Song*  
**

* * *

In the Economy Class, both Team Chris and Team Victory were both trying stand the awful conditions this room had, but that proved to be useless.

"I'm too young to die!" Owen screamed as he was strapped up in Coach.

"Stop sweating, lunchbox. Air travel is the 15th most safest mode of transportation, unless you're in a death trap," Noah informed.

Almost as if Murphy had misheard it, a nearby boarded up wall collapsed and began to suck everything out that wasn't nailed down.

Everyone screamed as they struggled to not get sucked out of the plane.

"This is not the way Leshawna's leaving this world!" Leshawna yelled.

She would have been sucked out if Alejandro didn't grab her hand at the last second, "Such beauty will not fall through giant plane holes on my watch!" he exclaimed.

What saved everyone from an untimely demise was Owen being sucked in and sealing the hole with his massive girth.

"I could've done that, I just prefer to leave the ladies wanting more," said Harold.

"Oh she wants more alright. More Alejandro," DJ retorted.

"Heh, DJ you know nothing about women," Harold scoffed.

"What makes you such an expert?" Stan asked.

"I know enough to make the speechless with my mad skills," Harold said.

"You can put me down now, I mean if you wanted or not, your choice because this is nice," Leshawna nervously said to Alejandro.

"Yeah, nothing," Kyle said sarcastically.

"Not that this isn't fascinating and all but MY BUTT IS BEING SUCKED OUT OF A PLANE!" Owen screamed.

* * *

Meanwhile Team Amazon were enjoying their time in the First Class cabin, Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Mandy, and Leela were busy lounging around on the seats. Brian, Zorak, and Early were at the bar, Stewie and Malloy were getting foot massages, Sierra was digging around in Cody's backpack for some creepy reason. Huey and Riley were currently having a conversation, and Rusty was busy doing God knows what.

"I happen to like winning and being in first class which happens to make me an ideal leader," Courtney said smugly.

"Oh please, like you've done anything to contribute to this team so far," Leela replied. A bit irritated at the CIT's attitude.

"It's not like we need a leader, since we did so well in the last challenge," Brian stated.

"Well I have plans to have us keep winning all the time, so think about me as leader."

"You know you're not the only one on this team you delusional cow," said Zorak.

"Like my friend Sierra for example," said Heather as she looked over to Sierra who was sniffing Cody's shoe.

"Uh, your "friend" is going through Cody's stuff like a redneck goes through a sheep's panties," Malloy pointed out.

Everyone didn't know whether to be disgusted by Sierra have a shoelace up her nose or Malloy's comment.

"Anyway, who's going to be the leader!" Courtney began.

"I nominate Leela," Sierra informed.

"But…" Courtney began.

"Seconded," Brian quickly spoke up, winking at Gwen.

"Third," Gwen added.

"No way!" Heather argued, "If anyone should be leader, it should be me!"

"No, me! Courtney informed.

* * *

**(CC)**

**Cody - **There's gonna be a catfight. I just know it.

**Chef - **Oh? Want me to record it for later?

**Cody - **Maybe. But I'll have to find a way to pay you for it, right?

**Chef -** _/chuckles/laughs/_ Yep.

**(End)**

* * *

"Personally, I'd rather just get through with it all until the merge," Zorak rolled his eyes.

A blaster shot was heard as Heather and Courtney turned to see Leela holding a smoking blaster while glaring at them, "I'm the leader, _got it_?"

"Y-Yes ma'am!" both gulped.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Courtney - **_/scared/_That…was…scary.

**Heather -** Okay. People say that I'm scary? /_scoffs/_ Well, you take a look at her and you'll see scary.

**Leela -** I want to be the leader since I'm the only here who has any real experience being one.

**(End)**

* * *

Sierra got closer to Cody's backpack before a laser zipped by her head, she turned to see Leela giving her a warning glare.

"If you feel uncomfortable around her, just let me know and I'll stop her," Leela explained.

"Thanks, Leela," Cody smiled

"It's no problem," Leela replied.

Meanwhile Huey and Riley were busy discussing what would happen if they somehow made it to the finale.

"Yo man, what happens if both of us were tied to get the money? Would you split it with me?" Riley asked Huey quietly, who was drawing something.

"Man, I'm not sure yet, we just started. Remember when we was watching the first season of this show? And all that stuff happened between people?" replied Huey.

"Oh, you mean like aliases!" Riley exclaimed.

"Alliances," Huey corrected.

"Yeah yeah that! Maybe I can get all them girls to like me, than they fall for me and they gotta get they asses kicked up outta the plane when they lose, I'll be nearer to that money!" said Riley.

"I don't know about that, people find romance on this show sometimes and when I looked how those other kids were acting, it looked like true love," Huey deduced.

"Man forget this shit, you're making me sick!" Riley yelled disgusted.

=This is your captain speaking= Chris informed over the PA =I would like everyone to meet me in the common area. And I mean _everyone_!=

* * *

"Welcome to today's challenge!" Chris grinned, "It's…!"

"Is it Reward or Elimination?" Harold interrupted.

"Good question, Harold," Chris grinned before frowning, "Like I'm gonna tell ya."

"Two of us got booted out last time," Tyler whispered, "So today has 'Reward' written all over it."

"I could use a reward! Oh~I hope it's candy!" Lindsey beamed, "Or a whole bunch of shoes! Or shoes_ made of candy_!"

" I don't believe that's the case since there's so many of us," Double D noted.

"Oh, and I hope you brought your giant-radioactive-monster repellant, because we are about to land in…_Japan_!"

With that, the doors behind him slid open with force. Behind it, Chef growled in an orange and yellow monk robe with a katana clenched in his teeth.

"Gosh, you guys! That is totally a Chinese outfit!" Harold rolled his eyes.

"Thank you, Harold. Now remember; anyone who doesn't sing…"

"You just…You'd think you would work harder to get it right," Harold interrupted.

"Oh for the love of God, nerve pinch!" Leela declared as she pinched Harold's neck, knocking him unconscious, "Continue."

"Thanks, sexy! Now then, anyone who doesn't sing is immediately disqualified," Chris informed."

Chef then ran towards the closest door with his katana. With three slashes, the door was sliced open and began to suck things out…including the passengers!

"You know, we could've just landed the plane!" Chris yelled as he and Dojo hung onto the entryway for life with Chef.

"Nah, too boring!" Chef argued.

Outside, everyone was screaming as they fell through the air. They stopped at the sound of the bell.

"Seriously?!" Noah screamed, "I mean, _seriously_?!"

"Is he fucking insane?!" Kyle yelled.

**"SING, AND I MIGHT THINK ABOUT SAVING YOUR MUSICAL BUTTOCKS!"** Chris shouted via megaphone, **"MAYBE YOU'LL TRY SINGING HARDER, EH?"**

**Courtney:** _We're singing as we're falling!_  
**Heather:** _While some are cannon-balling!_  
**Izzy:** Yeah!  
**Alejandro:** _Our lives begin to flash before our eyes!_  
**Noah and Owen:** _We might just go ka-blooey!  
_**Harold and Tyler:** _Get smushed and become chewy!_  
**Everyone:** _Cept there's tons we wanna do before we die!_  
**Leshawna:** Billionairess!  
**Cody:** Billiards Champion!  
**DJ:** Make it home to see my momma!  
**Stewie:** World domination!  
**Brian: **Become a famous writer!  
**Peter: **Surfin Bird!**  
Homer: **Drinking more Duff and eating more donuts!**  
Stan: **Getting the hell out of here!**  
Kyle: **Killing Chris!**  
Cartman: **Ridding the world of all hippies and Jews!**  
Kenny: ***muffles something incoherently***  
**

**The Eds: **Jawbreakers!

**Sierra:** Marry Cody! *nearly hugs Cody if she hadn't had a blaster pointed to her head by Leela*  
**Bridgette:** Catch a barrel!  
**Lindsay:** Be an actress in a drama!  
**Courtney:** Corporate lawyer!  
**Gwen:** Prom destroyer!  
** Fry: **Drink more Slurm!  
**Leela: **Find a decent guy!  
**Bender:** Kill all humans!

**Harold:** Be a ninja with throwing stars!  
**Alejandro:** Lion tamer!  
**Owen:** New food namer!  
**Tyler:** Repairman for the parallel bars!  
**Shake: **New TV!  
**Frylock:** Sue the hell out of this show!  
**Meatwad: **Banana Seat!**  
Huey: **Change our horrible society!**  
Riley: **Bitches and hoes!**  
Granddad: **Winning the million!**  
Grim: **My freedom!**  
Mandy: **Unleash a demonic plague on humanity!**  
Early: **More tobacco!**  
Rusty: **My daddy's love!**  
Malloy: **Porno actor!**  
Brak: **Dancing!**  
Zorak: **Surviving this hellhole!  
**Noah:** _But first we must cease dropping, our goal here would be stopping!_  
**Izzy:** _Before we smash into the ground from the sky!_  
**DJ:** _Flat into little pieces!_  
**Harold:** _Heads merged with our feet-ses!  
_**Huey:** _Become bloody messes!_  
**Leshawna:** _That would really suck and here's why:_  
**Bridgette:** _We'd like to keep on living!  
_**Alejandro:** _So Chris, We hope you're giving:_  
**Sierra:** Some wings!  
**Courtney:** A jetpack!  
**Gwen:** A rift in time!  
**Stewie:** Time machine!  
**Heather:** Parachute?!  
**Noah:** Waterbed!  
**Tyler:** A trampoline!  
**Izzy:** Springy shoes!  
**Alejandro:** Rocket boots!  
**Lindsay:** Flying squirrel!

**Cartman: **Dumb bitch!  
**Kyle:** Shut up Fatass!  
**Double D:** A hot-air balloon!

**Ed:** Bubble gum!

**Eddy:** A jet!

**Leshawna:** Bubble bath!

**Lindsay:** I change to bubbles, too!  
**DJ:** Momma!

**Frylock: **The ability to fly! Wait! I can already fly! *grabs both Shake and Meatwad*

**Malloy:** Lightning to hit Frylock with!  
**Owen:** Pizza! No! _Chips and some dip will do~!_  
**Everyone:** _Cause there's still so much to do before we die!_ Yeah, we said it! _There's still so much to do, there's still so much to do, there's still so much to do before we die!_ Yeah!  
**Owen:** Yeah!

It was then they all fell into a giant bowl of rice while The Aqua Teens landed beside them. Kenny however missed the bowl and hit the ground, killing him.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" Stan shouted.

"You bastards!" Kyle yelled.

"Japan! Yes! I know everything about this place!" Harold whooped as he was the first out of the rice.

"Well, let's hope that helps us win the challenge," Leshawna said.

"Ah, so then I hope you do not mind that I learned the language," Alejandro spoke, "Leshawna, hana no yoni mei."

"What's that?" Leshawna asked.

"I said you're as beautiful as a flower," Alejandro translated, causing Leshawna to swoon.

* * *

Soon, the contestants all met with Chris inside of a nearby studio.

"Okay, so your first challenge is inside a Japanese Game Show studio; bow down before **Super Human Mega Pinball Smash!**" Chris declared as he gestured to a gigantic pinball machine.

"I love Japanese game shows!" Tyler exclaimed as he high fived Harold.

"My favorite is-" Harold began before he was interrupted by the sound of Chris banging a gong.

"Thank you," Stan said not willing to hear their nonsense.

"Okay, I need one volunteer from each team to climb into these giant hamster balls. Then, your teammates are going to beat you around the scoreboard, scoring points by bouncing you off bumpers and pads, most points win. And, I have a special local surprise to share for each of your little pinball shaped paradise with," Chris explained.

"So teams, select a ball guy or gal."

"We choose Ed," Eddy proclaimed.

"Here's your pinball buddy," Chris said as he held up a panda bear cub.

"Aw, what a cute panda," DJ cooed.

That statement proved to be false as the panda cub leaped onto Ed's head and started punching and biting him repeatedly.

"Aw, I think he likes me," Ed said, happily ignoring his pain.

What about you Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot? Chris asked.

"Um, I'm allergic to panda dander, I get hives," Noah replied.

"What he said," Tyler remarked.

"Heh, what pussies," Cartman said.

"I'll do it for my team," Alejandro declared.

"Wicked. Incoming!" Chris shouted as he threw another panda cub at the Spaniard.

The panda was ready to maul Alejandro but he was able to gently catch the rowdy cub.

"Why hello handsome creature, may I scratch your ears and give you a tasty cookie?" Alejandro said. Using his charm to calm the savage beast.

This caused nearly every girl to go "aww" at the sight, much to some of the guys' chagrin.

"And Team Amazon?"

"Malloy, you're a bear. See if you can get that panda to work with you," Gwen suggested.

"I don't know if I should find that racist," Malloy replied.

Chris set down the panda cub as Malloy walked up to it.

"Hey there babe, I don't get to meet a lot of bears like you," he flirted. The panda's response was to slap Malloy across the face.

* * *

Once the three volunteers along with their stowaways got inside their giant pinballs, it was time for the challenge to begin.

"It's human pinball time!" Chris shouted as Chef as he pulled the lever releasing the pinballs onto the board. Each pinball ricocheting off each color coded target trying to get the highest score. Ed was having the time of his life as he was running in place while the panda was still biting his head. Malloy however was having a horrible time as his passenger was busy beating the holy crap out of him. Alejandro had the biggest advantage since his panda was willing to help him get the highest score by pointing to where to hit the most targets. The teams meanwhile made sure that the paddles hit their respective team's pinballs. Team Victory seemed to be struggling the most due to Stan and Kyle's small size, Double D's scrawniness, and Harold not contributing to the team in the slightest.

"The paddle must hit the ball at a perfect angle to maximize the impact," Harold.

"Uh dude, we appreciate you trying to help but we'd really appreciate it you if actually did something or better yet, get the hell out of the way!" Stan shouted.

Further tirade was cut off as Ed's pinball hit the paddle, knocking the team away.

After a while of pinballs continuously hitting their targets, Malloy's was the first one to finish. He emerged out of the pinball covered in many cuts and bruises.

"Oh God, I feel violated," Malloy moaned in agony.

Ed's was the second to finish, he came out holding the panda cub who was now unconscious.

"Uh guys, I think I broke him."

Alejandro was the last to arrive with his panda in perfect condition. The rest of Team Chris as he held up the cub in victory.

"With a score of 462,000, Team I am Really Really Crazy Hot takes the **Super Human Mega Pinball Smash **and wins a leg up in the next Japanese challenge," Chris congratulated.

"Are you just going to ignore the fact that I was practically raped just now?!" Malloy said furiously.

"Will Malloy recover from his traumatic experience? Will Tsing-Tsing the panda ever make a full recovery and give Ed the mauling of a lifetime? Stay tuned as there's more Wacky Kappy Teriyaki Action after the break!" Chris announced as the screen faded to black once again.

* * *

"Welcome to 'Total Drama Action!'" Chris declared on the TV as scenes of Total Drama Action were being played in a Japanese commercial, "Where you'll see action and kooky filming! And somber eating."

"Very nice food. I like it," Owen informed on the TV, yet his voice had been dubbed over.

"Hey there, way oh-so-cute monster," Izzy, her voice dubbed over, flirted.

"Total Drama Action! Coming soon. Here's an apple of fun!" Chris declared before the commercial ended.

"Um…What?" Noah asked the question on everyone's mind.

"That piece of cinematic gold is the Japanese Total Drama Action promo. Total Drama is _huge_ here!" Chris informed.

"Okay…But that was in English," Courtney pointed out, "So why are they dubbing our voices?"

"Turns out the locals don't like the sound of y'all," Chris shrugged.

"Not true," Double D informed, "Their natural voices are much better than the dubbing."

"Okay, okay," Chris frowned before smirking, "And here's your final challenge for Japan! Ready? I hope you paid attention, because you'll be writing, directing, and producing your very own Japanese commercials! There's a brand new candy hitting the Japanese market; **Chef's Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails!**" Chris declared as he showed the bag, causing many of them to develop green faces.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Homer - /**_eating a bag of it/_ Mmm! This is actually pretty good! It is almost like Fish with taffy!

**Chef - **At least someone appreciates my cooking.

**(END)**

* * *

"I call this 'The Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails Challenge of Celebration Fun!'" Chris continued with a wink at the camera.

Nearby, Chef had his arms crossed before pointing at Chris in anger, "You said we were gonna pay a real Tokyo Add Firm."

"Oops, I did didn't I? As props, you'll be using anything you can find in the storage area of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet," Chris informed, "Since Team Chris won the first Challenge, they get to choose their props first."

"Aw yeah!" Team Chris declared before everyone high-fived…before Tyler tripped and fell to floor while trying to get a high-five himself.

"Team Victory choosing second and Team Amazon gets stuck with whatever dregs are left. Them's the breaks," Chris continued, ignoring the frowns from the last team.

* * *

"Hmm…I'm seeing a tiny Tokyo," Alejandro pulled out a set of small buildings from one of the boxes before pulling out a purple spider costume, "A giant, radioactive monster and…" he pulled out a set of army helmets, "…an army trying to fight it off, " He looked over at Peter, Homer, and Owen," So which one of you wants to be our monster?"

"Big O is perfect for the role! Come on Big O please?" Izzy asked as she huddled against Owen.

"Oh come on, I could definitely play a good monster!" Peter objected.

"Yeah right, I can pull this off better than you two losers!" Homer interjected.

"Alright, how about this?" Alejandro suggested before tossing the costume to Peter and Homer, "Our monster will be you all three of you, once we add some extra monster costumes to it, I will need you both for the body while Owen will be the one to eat the piece of candy."

"Say what now?" Granddad frowned.

"We all know that Chef's cooking sucks balls," Cartman pointed out.

"And we know that out of everyone here, only Homer and Owen can really stomach the food he makes," Frylock added.

"Well said, my good man," Alejandro bowed before gesturing to Noah, "Noah, what say you?"

"Meh, I guess," Noah replied as Tyler put an army hat on him.

As Team Chris went to begin production, Alejandro went up to Team Victory.

"Good luck, honorable opponent," said Alejandro as he bowed to Harold.

"I don't need your luck," Harold scoffed.

"Of course you don't, you have superior leadership skills and vision. Your team is lucky to have have you," Alejandro complimented.

"I know right?! They are right?" Harold exclaimed happily, failing to notice the Latin's smirk, but it did not go unnoticed by some.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Double D** \- Hmm, I wonder what that was about?

**Stan** \- Something's really off about that Alejandro guy.

**(End)**

* * *

"So, what exactly is your plan Harold?" Bridgette asked.

"Fear not, for I have a dramatic vision. It mixes Kurosawa's Pathos with Miyazaki's Sense of Wonder," Harold replied.

"I think I ordered that at a Japanese place," said Lindsay.

"Idiot," Grim noted.

* * *

For Team Amazon, it wasn't going so good for them. Considering they had so little to work with.

"A pathetic pile of stuff that nobody wants, goodbye first class," Courtney sighed as she looked around the crates.

"I have an idea, we have the candy fish swim in a fish tank then it breaks out and plays basketball!" Heather suggested.

"And just how the hell are we supposed to do that? I don't see a freaking laptop anywhere," said Stewie.

"Besides, that's too Dr. Seuss. How about spinning masks? We toss candy into their mouths and-" Gwen was soon interrupted by Courtney.

That's insane! Flashing lights and fireworks! Chef wants to be dazzled!"

"All three of your ideas are stupid and idiotic," Zorak remarked.

"Ah'm a stupid hillbilly and even ah think that's a pile of horseshit," said Early.

"And besides, don't the rest of us get a say in this? It's not all about you three," Huey pointed out.

"And I'm still the team leader after all, in case you three haven't forgotten." Leela informed.

"You know what? You people are impossible!I'm so out of here!" Courtney replied angrily.

"So am I!" Heather agreed as she and Courtney stormed off.

"Fine! We can do this without you two anyway!" Gwen shouted at them.

"So now that the Queen of Bitches and the Bitch in Training are gone, anyone else got any bright ideas?" said Malloy.

"Well, I did actually find a laptop so we could edit together our own commercial" Cody suggested.

"Huh, go figure," said Stewie.

* * *

With Team CiRRRH, they were busy putting the finishing touches on their project.

"And…done!" Fry grinned as Noah put the last building in place, "Great job lining things up, Noah, Tyler."

"Peter and Owen stomp! Peter and Owen stomp good!" they chanted as they stomped around in the monster costume.

"Hold on there chubby buddies! Let us finish the tiny city first," Noah said.

Meanwhile, Alejandro was in the director's chair looking at a piece of the food they were trying to promote. He ate one and instantly spat it out with some vomit.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Alejandro - **Like…rotten fish intestine with a side order of fermented squid…and dirty hockey equipment! /_throws up once more/_

**(END)**

* * *

"I am so glad we found this laptop to do some digital editing to the recording," Leela smirked as she sat on a nearby set of crates with Team Amazon, "This will be a major plus for what we need to handle in the commercial."

"Great. And thanks for letting me direct. I'm not really comfy being on film," Cody admitted.

"Fry's the same way. At least you're okay with the normal cameras," Leela shrugged.

"Well, that's mainly because they're mainly hidden," Cody replied when a gong went off.

"You have five minutes left to film your videos! Then it's 'Happy Super…' um…whatever," Chris informed on the PA, "We'll be watching them in five minutes."

* * *

"More rain! Much more!" Harold called wearing a samurai outfit, "This whole thing needs to be somberer!"

"Yes, Harold," grumbled Bridgette.

"Sensei! Call me Sensei!"

"How about asshole?," Stan muttered angrily.

* * *

"Alright, now that you're done filming, it's time to see if your hard work is paying off. Chef?"

"No-good, bad agency, cheap, rip-off…" Chef grumbled in annoyance as he pressed a button on a remote.

"First up, Team Chris with 'Kaiju Attack!'" Chris declared.

The screen turned on to a zoom-in on the 'city' that they had made. A deep, booming roar echoed on the screen before it zoomed out to reveal a monster comprised of a spider's legs and bottom half, a slimy upper body, and a dragon's head. The monster let out another roar as it swung one of his four claws ahead. It went through quick shots of the monster destroying the 'city.'

"Oh no!" Alejandro screamed, "The large out of shape monster!"

"We should run!" Tyler suggested.

"That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!" Granddad screamed before Alejandro stopped him.

"Wait! I have a plan!" Alejandro informed.

"Commander, what are you saying?" Cartman asked before Alejandro pulled out a bag of Chef's snack.

"We shall stop the monster with this!" Alejandro declared.

The monster roared at them once more. Using that opening, Alejandro tossed one of the tails and it went into the monster's mouth. It started to hack and cough, putting its upper arms over its chest before a small burp came out of it. It let out a pleased sound and clapped its four arms in glee. It then cut to the monster fixing the city with an oversized bag of Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails in its jaws.

"Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails!" 's voice-over declared, "So good that even the worst creatures will become embodiments of goodness!"

"Hmm…Nine out of ten," Chef informed.

"Next up is Team Victory with 'A Samurai's Lament,' " Chris informed.

The screen turned to static before displaying a setting reminiscent of an old samurai movie with Harold trekking across the open country in the rain. He soon encounters Team Victory wearing sun hats while bowing.

"Great samurai please, do you have food?" Leshawna pleaded.

"The hunger, the hunger, the hunger!" Double D begged as he went on his knees.

A beach ball suddenly bounced by and was soon punctured by Harold's sword, who was lying on the ground.

"Duty, Honor, Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails. Eat them fast. Time...is fleeting, Gosh," Harold recited as the screen became static again.

"Yeah that was...interesting," Chris remarked as most of Team Victory looked down in shame while Stan pinched his nose in frustration.

"I knew we shouldn't of listened to this nerd, that was just stupid!," Eddy yelled.

"It was art! A metaphor!" Before Harold could say anymore, Chris clamped his mouth shut.

"Next up the Amazons!"

"And have we got a great commercial for you!" Cody announced.

* * *

"Cut!" Cody's voice called before it cut to a zoomed out of the scene where it was 'raining,' "Ugh! What a time for rain!"

"Shooting candy commercials in the rain?"Leela appeared on screen in a black vest, a red tie, a white button shirt, and black pants, "That's just one of the many dark secrets of TV spots." It changed to Brian, "Even smart dogs are actually chasing meat." It zoomed out to show Brian was chasing a picture of a steak that was held by Stewie before cutting to an exhausted Brian in a cage, "And have many back-ups just in case." It cut to Leela walking down a dark hallway before cutting to a side-view of her shushing the camera, "On set, actresses are queens." It cut to a shot of Gwen crying and arguing with Mandy, the later having lines written on her pink dress, "They don't need to memorize lines." It cut to Leela looking behind Malloy as he was digitally editing the scene, "Nor do they have any wrinkles. Or spots. And they look thinner."

A cell phone went off on the commercial. It cut to Cody pulling a cell phone out before cutting to Gwen turning to glare at the direction Cody was at.

"No one must upset the diva," Leela continued as Cody was forced to drop the cell phone just as Gwen's boot was thrown at his hand.

It cut to Leela walking alongside a Japanese building when a ninja slashed at her, she then knocked him out with one kick. It then cut to her facing the camera.

"Of course, I'm unharmed. But the sound?" the camera turned to where Riley was standing before a table with a head of lettuce before him, a knife in his hands.

It proceeded to do a bit of a montage take of Riley cutting in time with the slashes the ninja did with a fake sword. It cut to everyone but Cody and Leela looking at a TV in business suits.

"They are the clients," Leela informed before moving to show Cody pouring something into a cup, "Whiskey is added to their coffee…so they won't notice the details."

* * *

**(BC)**

**Huey - **We didn't have alcohol, so we did that with toilet water.

**(END)**

* * *

"This is a secret, but there are ghosts here too," Leela whispered, "An extremely jealous actress. An AD who never made it. And a samurai." It cut to Cody, sitting before the laptop with sutras all over, "But don't worry, exorcists can erase them." It cut back to her walking along the background, "TV spots must be 'nice' and safe…" she screamed as she was blown up, surprising everyone watching before the scene cut to Leela leaning beside Zorak as she was making that image display, "With CGI, anything is possible. But without CGI, things can get dangerous." Everyone flinched at the series of shots of a dummy in Leela's current attire blowing up before cutting to Leela approaching a white backdrop where everyone was sitting around with sad faces, "TV spots are all about SMILES. But here is its biggest secret. Its biggest taboo."

"Hey, you!" Malloy the director ordered Heather, "I need it now!"

"Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails is here!" Stewie declared after a cut to him running on stage with a platter filled with the candied fish tails on it.

The result was instant in everyone cheering up.

"Action!" Malloy declared before cutting to an upper-body shot of Leela.

"Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails brings out the best smiles ever," Leela explained before cutting to Huey erupting from a wall for the snack, "Even divas who refuse to come out…come running with a big smile." It then cut to Gwen grinning as she was on a ladder before zooming out a bit to show Stewie waving a piece of Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails at her, "And busy Hollywood stars return with a huge smile."

It then cut to a black background with the bag of candy on it with the words 'Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy-Go-Time Candied Fish Tails' in Japanese Katakana beside it.

Back at the viewing room, everyone stared in disbelief at what they just saw.

Chris blinked twice, "Okaaay...well Chef?"

"Chris, I gotta go with Team Amazon," Chef snorted.

Team Amazon cheered at this.

"I don't know, I just love steak," Chef explained.

"Congratulations Team Amazon, but Chef I also have to know, who bit the biggest?" Chris asked.

"Uh...those guys," Chef replied, pointing at Team Victory," With that sad donkey thing. You lose! You sending someone home. Tonight!"

"Aw man, this sucks!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Wait. It's _not_ a reward?" Leshawna asked.

"Well, it's a reward for me," Chris grinned.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Leshawna - **Oh come on! I was hoping for a reward!

**Stan - **Well at least we get to kick out some dead weight.

**(END)**

* * *

"Iiiiit's Vote Time!" Chris declared in the galley, "Up in the Loser Class Bathroom, you'll find thirteen passports. Stamp the passport of the team member you'd like to send home! Got it? Lindsay?"

"I know, I get it," Lindsay said.

* * *

**(BC)**

**Lindsay - **/_hugs her passport and leaves/_

**Double D - **I am sorry, but you weren't any help at all /_stamps a passport/_

**Bridgette - ** _/angrily stamps a passport/_

**Leshawna - **_/__can't decide if she wants to stamp Harold's passport/_

**DJ -** You shouldn't have hurt that poor panda _/stamps Ed's passport/_

**Eddy -** Jeez, and I thought you were smart _/stamps Harold's passport/ _

**Grim - /**_stamps Harold's passport/_

**Harold_ \- _**_/s__tamps the punctured beach ball__ by accident/_

**Brak_ \- _**_/__accidentally stamps his own passport/_

**Stan_ \- _**Good fucking riddance _/stamps Harold's passport/_

**Kyle_ \- _**We can't afford another loss, so goodbye _/stamps Harold's passport_

**Ed**_ \- /eats a cookie he saved/_

**Ezekiel**_ \- /stamps Harold's passport/_

**Panda -**/_The Panda from before angrily stamps Ed's passport/  
_

**(END)**

* * *

"Those staying in the game will get In-Flight Snacks," Chris informed at the Drop of Shame Ceremony, motioning to Chef with his platter of barf bag peanuts, "And if you don't get one, you'll be taking the Drop of Shame." Everyone gulped, "The following players are safe; Eddy…"

"Oh yeah!" Eddy exclaimed as he caught his bag.

"…Double D…"

"Thank you."

"…DJ…" DJ smiled as he caught his bag, "Lindsay, Bridgette, Grim, Stan, and Kyle…"

Those mentioned all cheered as they all caught their barf bags.

"Leshawna, Brak…and surprisingly Ezekiel," Chris finished.

"Gee. Thanks," Ezekiel informed as he walked up and got his bag, leaving Ed and Harold as the bottom two.

"And now, for the final bag goes to…" Chris paused for dramatic tension for a few moments before finally saying, "… Ed."

"I expected as much, for it was I who brought dishonor to our team!" Harold informed, "Only one thing can restore the balance," Harold took out a toy lightsaber and attempted to preform Seppuku with it but it was obvious to everyone that he had lost it.

After a quick goodbye to Leshawna, Harold hopped out of the plane with the lightsaber still in chest or so he thought.

"You might need this!" Chris shouted as he tossed a parachute out the plane, "Good luck Harold! He's yelling something back at me, uh no, he's just screaming for his life."

* * *

"Oh, now this is divine~!" Courtney moaned as she was getting a massage with Heather.

"Ah~! So~ good~!" Heather moaned in ecstasy with a heavy blush on her face while panting, "Harder~! Oh yes~!"

"Okay, I'm going over there," said Zorak as he headed for the bar.

"I can't believe this, we did all the work and _they _get in on all the glory," Gwen bitterly remarked.

"Their just lucky that we won today's challenge. Next time, if we do happen to lose the next one, they are definitely gone," Leela repiled.

* * *

"Sayonara from Japan! Where will our travels take us next?" Chris asked, "Will Sierra ever get to glomp Cody and not get shot by Leela? Will Team Amazon be able to keep their streak of avoiding elimination? What other weird products does Chef want to sell?" he laughed as he peeked in the galley to see Chef covered in batter from an exploding donut prototype, "All these questions and many more probably won't be answered on the next episode of Total! Drama! Wor~ld To~~~ur!"

* * *

**AN: First, I like to apologize for not updating for over two months, I had some real life issues to deal with including college and some health problems. I'm doing fine now and I hoping to update a lot faster from now on. Now onto this chapter, you see that I had to change the commercials the teams did, especially the Amazons considering there were so many members. As for Harold, sorry but I don't think he would of added that much to the story anyway since he already had a lot of screen time in Action. So I had him eliminated instead of him just quitting.**

_**Eliminated: **Duncan, Billy, Harold_

**Next chapter will be an original challenge, I'm still accepting ideas if you have any. So please remember to read and review.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:Okay, I'm back to updating this story again. There's no way I'm giving up on this.  
**

* * *

Last time on Total Drama World Tour…

"The contestants had a wacky adventure in the old, majestic land of Japan. There they had to complete series of wacky challenges in a kooky Japanese game show where they either would get mauled by panda bears or get crushed by giant pinballs. the contestants also had to create their own commercials advertising our latest candy product. It was Team Amazon's rather interesting commercial that guaranteed them victory and it was Harold's annoying habits of correcting me and bossing his team around that cost Team Victory their victory; with Harold eventually going home. Now, who will crack under the pressure and who will be frozen by the fear when they take on a new challenge in today's episode of Total…Drama..._World toooouuuuur_!"

* * *

***Cue Theme Song***

* * *

The Jumbo Jet soared across the sky and inside the contestants either suffered or rejoiced. The ones who rejoiced were the members of Team Amazon, who were in the first class cabin. Heather slept peacefully, while snoring considerably loudly; Brian, Early, and Zorak were at the bar drinking to their hearts content, Stewie was busy working on a new invention, Huey was on his laptop, Malloy was playing video games, and Gwen, Courtney, Leela, and Mandy relaxed in their seats while each read a book and Sierra gave a disturbing foot massage to a sleeping Cody. However, as soon as he woke up he complained to the girl about her actions.

"Sierra, what are you doing?" Cody asked, flabbergasted while pulling his foot away from her.

"Everybody loves a foot massage." Sierra countered plainly,

"Yeah, normally but…I don't like having my feet touched." Cody lied.

Sierra took his foot again and began to massage it.

"Did you know there's a pressure point between tarsal bones that can temporarily paralyze the whole body?" She asked in heavy rhetoric.

Before she could go any further she was then hit by a laser beam leaving her stunned and paralyzed.

* * *

In the economy class, pretty much like in every previous instance, the contestants were having a bad time. Both teams were on separate benches and were trying to do something to pass the time until they arrived to the next place where they would be submitted to the tortuous and almost illegal tasks of Chris McClean.

Shake was holding a spoon stuck inside a bowl of what is supposed to be pea soup, made by Chef. "I feel like an orphan, I wasn't made to eat this stuff! He then throws the pea soup and it explodes for unexplained reasons.

"Eh, it's not like anyone would try to altercate him, have you seen the guy?" said Frylock.

"I was gonna tell him, but, he told me with his mind that it wasn't a good idea, you know me, I don't like to argue." Shake retorted.

"I really enjoyed Japan." Owen said. "That sushi was excellent."

"That wasn't sushi Owen." Noah said. "It was just raw fish heads."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure this is sushi." Izzy said while pulling out a bucket of fish heads.

"I tell you, it's rotten fish heads." Noah said.

"You sure?" Izzy asked. "Try them."

Without giving him a chance to answer, the crazy girl poured the contents of the bucket on top of the bookworm, who remained perfectly deadpan while the fish guts dripped all over his body and clothes. He sighed.

"I'll go shower." He proclaimed before heading for the shower area.

"Well I'm sure that whatever Chris has planned for us can't be that bad." Bridgette said.

Then the entire crew of the economy class, sans Izzy, gasped and exclaimed.

"No!" They yelled.

"What?" Bridgette asked.

"Dude, you're never supposed to say that!" Kyle yelled. "Whenever somebody says that shit get real bad!"

Bridgette looked freaked.

"Yeah, even I know that and I'm not the shiniest fool in the bed." Lindsay said.

"Lindsay, I believe the expression is 'not the sharpest tool in the shed'." Double D said.

"No Double D, that doesn't make sense." Lindsay said. "Tools aren't alive."

"She's right." Tyler said, backing up Lindsay.

"Thanks for supporting me, Taylor." Lindsay said.

Tyler then appeared downtrodden.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Tyler – **I don't understand why Lindsay still can't remember my name! We dated throughout the whole first season and I hung out with her like a million times after TDA was over. I'll have to do something very impressive to get her to remember me. Maybe if I manage to stick my leg behind my leg, that's pretty impressive. _/He grabs his leg and tries to bend it over the back of his head but he slips and his head lands in the toilet, getting stuck/_.

**(End)**

* * *

The plane suddenly gave a leap and both Tyler and Noah fell back into the economy class, Tyler with his head drenched in toilet water and Noah drenched in detergent and soap water.

"Well, I suppose detergent is as good as any shower." Noah said.

The contestants then noticed the plane began to descend until they finally landed. They were all considerably pleased that this time their landing assistance didn't involve them falling to their deaths. However as soon as they stepped out of the plane door, all of them found a lack of a descent ladder and plummeted to the snow below.

Most of them landed alone without hurting each other, just themselves; however one contestant landed in a rather compromising position. Whether it was luck or maybe to him a curse, Double D happened to crash land on top of Bridgette's chest.

"Double D!" Bridgette yelled while pulling him away from her breasts.

The sock hat boy quickly stood up, dusted himself off and helped Bridgette to her feet.

"Oh my! I am so sorry Bridgette!" Double D said in a frantic voice that seemed unnatural to any teenage guy who had just had deep contact with female anatomy. "I didn't mean to be inappropriate in any way. I have a deep respect for women and their privacy. Despite your good nature and kindness I have no interest in you. I'm aware that you have a boyfriend, whose status as your significant other I respect and I want to make it clear that I have to intention of getting in between you two!"

Double D then proceeded to walk off blushing heavily in embarrassment while a stunned Bridgette looked at him.

"I don't know why but I suddenly found what he said attractive." Bridgette said to Courtney.

Meanwhile, Eddy looked at this amazed.

"Wow! Sockhead really knows how to charm the ladies!" Eddy said to Kyle.

"That or he's just horrible at talking to them in general," Kyle replied.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Eddy **– I gotta give it to Sockhead, didn't think he had in in him.

**(End)**

* * *

The contestants shivered deeply and groaned due to the cold. Then Chris McClean emerged from the pilot's cabin wearing a bulgy wool coat and an ushanka.

"Hello contestants." Chris proclaimed. "Welcome to the former home of communism and the current home of Vladurday…Russia!"

"Can we get some coats here?" Bridgette asked.

Chris glared at her for speaking out of turn but then smiled again.

"Sure, I ordered some for you." The host said.

The contestants sighed with relief.

"Though they won't be here for quite a few weeks." Chris finished with a mischievous grin, clearly displaying that he enjoyed the contestants' frustration.

Both Stan and Kenny flipped the evil host off.

They were all freezing cold, though the one most disturbed was Bridgette, since she lived in an edge of Canada where they rarely got cold weather and was absolutely unprepared for such temperatures. Another contestant noticed this and decided to take advantage of it.

"I'll warm you up, Bridgette." Alejandro said, holding arms open wide.

Bridgette immediately ran to his arms to hug him without thinking. He wrapped his arms around her and Bridgette swooned.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Bridgette – **Alejandro is a really nice guy, you know, for helping keep me warm. He's really considerate. He's almost as nice as my dear Alejandro…I mean Geoff! My dear boyfriend Alejandro…Geoff! My dear boyfriend Geoff! Goddamnit Bridge…you gotta keep it cool. Just relax and think of Geoff's nice tan skin and long, brown hair…blonde hair! Damn it!

* * *

"Any other questions?"

"What's communism?" Tyler asked.

"A sociopolitical ideology which in theory is supposed to create a utopic, stateless and classless society where the means of production are commonly owned, articles of consumption are of free access and there is no private property." Frylock explained. "However in practice it has only led to a society where the state runs the so-called "commonly owned means of production" and attempts to distribute profit equally regardless of a person's part in achieving said profit, which leads to mass laziness and the necessity of force to intimidate workers in working harder which eventually leads to a practically slave-like lifestyle for citizens of the communist society."

The rest of the cast looked at him bewildered.

"OK." Chris said. "Let's get to the challenges."

Chris clapped his hands and Chef Hatchet emerged from the cabin with a treasure chest. He opened it and pulled out three pieces of paper, which he handed to each team.

"Now, each team has just been given a clue." Chris explained. "This clue will lead to a place in Moscow, where you will find another clue. This clue will then lead you to a second place where yet another clue is hidden. This third clue will tell you the final location you must go to. There, me and Chef will be waiting. Whichever team makes it to the final location first wins the first challenge. Any more questions?"

"Where in Russia are we exactly?" Gwen asked.

"Five miles outside of Moscow." Chris answered. "Now get going!"

* * *

Elsewhere on a nearby hill, three men looked at the scene through binoculars. The men wore black suits and red ties. All three had sunglasses on, despite the fact that they complicated looking through the binoculars. Near them was a private jet which had a hot tub, a flat screen TV, a PS4, warm showers and tons of other luxuries. There was also a set-up of TV's which gave image to several cameras placed on the inside of the building at the end of the runway. All three men pulled down their binoculars simultaneously in a creepy fashion.

These men were the show's producers as of last year due to buying the show out. They were the ones who came up with the idea of bringing in these new contestants. believing that their odd traits would bring in very high ratings. One interesting thing to mention was that they all had criminal backgrounds. The man standing in the middle that had jet black hair and was considerably tall was Carter Anderson, an American former notorious crime lord ,The one on the right with combed-back brown hair and tanned skin was the "silent but deadly" former Russian general Alexei Sarov and the last one who was noticeably pale with messy brown hair was Manuel Rivera a former member of the Argentine Anticommunist Alliance, a well known paramilitary anti-guerrilla organization.

"This is going well, I knew bringing in those new contestants was a great idea." Carter said proudly while looking at the monitors.

"They are causing all sorts of trouble, that brings in ratings." Rivera agreed.

Alexei nodded.

"Courtney was visibly saddened over Duncan. She won't break up with him over him quitting." Carter declared.

"They'll stay together, that brings in ratings." Rivera proclaimed.

Alexei nodded.

"Gwen appears to have some feelings for Duncan." Carter said.

"She might try to break-up one of our biggest crowd-drawers. That will takes away ratings." River concluded.

Alexei nodded.

"We cannot let her." Carter said.

"Absolutely not." Rivera said.

Alexei shook his head.

"We should stop talking in this synchronized annoying manner." Carter proclaimed.

"Oh thank God, that was making me really nauseous." Rivera announced.

The three producers were in the control room of their private jet, which was parked in a separate runway in Domodedovo International Airport. Carter was looking triumphantly at the monitors that displayed the images of the contestants running through Moscow, being filmed by small robotic camera-copters. Alexei was playing solitaire and Rivera was spying out the window with binoculars.

"Manuel, can you toss me a coke?" Carter asked.

"Can't. Patrolling." The Argentine producer answered.

"God damn it, Manny! Communism ended here in 1991. There's no communists out to get you here." Carter yelled.

"I wouldn't be so cocky, Hellburn!" Rivera replied. "They want me ever since I blew up the apartment the ERP leadership was in back in '76."

"For the last time, Manny. There are no commies here!" Carter yelled.

At that point the airplane door burst open and a man ran in holding a small pistol.

"Die capitalist pig!" He yelled.

As soon as he stepped into the control room, all three producers drew their guns and shot him simultaneously, killing him.

"OK, one commie. He was probably the last one." Carter said. "Though let's just have our AK's ready just in case."

Alexei and Rivera nodded.

* * *

"OK Team, what does our clue say?" Alejandro asked.

"It says 'To find the place where you'll next be led, find the place where the Red King lies dead'." Fry said.

Alejandro and Noah looked at each other knowingly.

"It's obvious where we have to go." They said.

"To Brett Favre's tomb?" Tyler asked.

"What? No." Noah said. "What led you to that conclusion?"

"Well, Favre was played for the Washington Redskins and he was the QB, which makes him the king of the team." Tyler explained.

"Favre never played for the Redskins." Frylock said. "Nor is he dead."

"Wow, aren't you supposed to be some sports fanatic? That's just fucking weak!" Cartman mocked.

Tyler gulped and looked embarrassed.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Tyler – **OK, so I might have some holes in my sports knowledge but I am still a great sports player. I kick butt in both team and single sports, especially tennis. I am wicked with the…the…the…How do you call those weird frying pan-looking thingies you use to hit the ball with in tennis?

* * *

"Read the clue, Gwen." Courtney said.

Gwen opened up the paper scroll and began to read it out loud.

"'If victory is what you want to achieve, find the secret home of the secret police'." Gwen said.

"What does that mean?" Cody asked.

"The Lubyanka, KGB Headquarters." Courtney and Gwen said in unison.

The two girls looked at each other with an impressed look.

"Well, you know your Russian culture, Gwen. I'm impressed." Courtney said.

"Thanks Courtney." Gwen replied.

"Enough with the friendship crap, this isn't ponies." Malloy said. "Let's go!"

"Yeah, What are we waiting for?" Leela exclaimed. "Let's go, everyone!"

The cyclops ran, followed suit by the rest of Team Amazon.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Courtney – **I'm surprised Gwen knew that. I never took her as the smart type. Maybe I underestimated her.

**Gwen – **I'm surprised Courtney actually complimented me. She hasn't really been good to me since the whole Duncan thing last season. Maybe I was too quick to call her a bitch. I mean, if I had been her I would have been a little jealous too. After all Duncan doesn't seem all that loyal, despite his sweetness and awesome hot looks and..._/Her eyes burst wide open upon realizing what she just said/ _OK, erase that! I did not say that! I did not! It was a mistake!

* * *

"Man, I really wish Harold was here." LeShawna said, while looking at the clue. "My sweet stringbean knew all kind of things 'bout weird eastern cultures."

"'To find the heart of the Bolshoi, theatrics you must employ'." Kyle re-read the clue out loud.

"I have no idea about what it means." Bridgette said.

"It makes my head go owie." Lindsay proclaimed.

"Of course it does," Grim remarked.

* * *

Team CIRRRRH walked into the Lenin Mausoleum, the place they had deduced the clue was leading them to, which was almost entirely empty.

"This place is usually crawling with people." Alejandro said. "Chris must have cleared this place for the challenge."

"Where's the clue?" Owen asked.

"There!" Tyler yelled.

The no-good-jock pointed towards the center of the mausoleum, where Lenin's body rested in a glass case. Inside the case and on Lenin's hand was another scroll, identical to the one Chris had given them.

"Awesome!" Tyler exclaimed. "Now let's just go get it."

Noah grabbed Tyler by the sweatsuit collar.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." Noah said.

"Why not?"

"Because Lenin's body is heavily guarded." Noah answered.

"How guarded?" Owen asked.

"The last guy who accidentally made a smudge on the glass case by breathing on it got shot in the throat and had to be hospitalized for three months." Noah replied.

"Are you sure there's guards now?" Tyler asked.

His question was answered as Kenny was suddenly gunned down by rapid gunfire coming from all directions.

"Aw bitch!" Cartman shouted.

"I believe that answers your question," said Alejandro as he proceeded to point upwards. Tyler looked and managed to spot four snipers on guard balconies, aiming their rifles at the casket, ready to fire if somebody touched it.

"We need a plan on how to get that clue." Alejandro said.

Everybody on the team began to think up a plan.

Oh, I know!" Izzy proclaimed.

Izzy then pounced into the air towards one of the snipers. She wrapped her legs around his neck and defying all laws of physics she used the sheer strength of her legs to fling the guard backwards against another guard, knocking them both out.

The other two guards attempted to shoot her but she leaped into the air and, once again, violated the laws of physics by running upside-down on the roof until the jumped behind the third of the snipers. She then butterfly kicked him in the back of the head, throwing him off his guard balcony.

She then leaped into the air, dodging many shots from the final sniper until she finally landed behind him. She bent over backwards and grabbed the guard by his head, after which she proceeded to hoist him up and slam him against the wall she was facing before shoving him backwards off the balcony.

The redhead leaped off the balcony and landed on top of Lenin's glass casket. She pulled it open and extracted the clue note scroll, which she tossed to Alejandro much to the shock of her teammates.

"Well that's one way of getting it," Peter said.

"Come on, let's get going!" Tyler yelled.

Team CIRRRRH turned around and ran out of the mausoleum, all of them minus Izzy who stopped and looked at Lenin's corpse. She grinned as she got a devious idea.

* * *

Team Amazon walked in through the front door of the Lubyanka and looked around.

"Where could Chris have hidden that clue?" Heather asked herself while tapping her chin.

"Girls, look!" Cody proclaimed and pointed at a Russian federal agent holding a briefcase with the Total Drama logo stamped on it.

Team Amazon approached the man.

"Hello sir, could you please give us that case?" Courtney asked.

"No."

"No? What do you mean by 'no'?"

"If you want the briefcase you have to say the password." The man replied.

"Fine…Communist?" Courtney asked.

"No."

"Motherland?" Stewie asked.

"No."

"KGB?" Huey asked.

"No."

"Russia?" Heather asked.

"No."

"Death to capitalism?" Brian asked.

"No."

"Long live communism?" Malloy asked.

"No."

* * *

The producers opened fire on the guerrilla attacker as soon as he entered the room. After he was shot, the man collapsed on top of the pile of corpses in front of him.

"OK, so there were twelve communists left here." Carter said. "I doubt there can be any more than that."

"Die imperialist fools!" A communist guerrilla soldier screamed as he stepped into the room before being in the face by Rivera.

"Thirteen commies…That has to be it." Carter said.

* * *

"Lenin rules?" Cody asked.

"No."

"That's it!" Heather yelled.

The black-haired girl prepared to pounce on the federal agent but was stopped by her teammates.

"Let's just kick his ass and get the case!" Heather yelled.

"We can't, we have to figure out the password." Sierra said.

"You did it! Have the case." The agent said, giving it to Gwen.

"Why?"

"You figured out the password." The agent said.

"The password was 'password?" Stewie asked enraged. "But we said the word 'password' before!"

"No, the password was not 'password'; it was 'the password." The agent explained. "The password was 'the password'."

Stewie immediately blasted the federal agent with his laser gun, killing him instantly.

Team Amazon looked at this stunned.

"I recommend we get the hell out of here before more agents show up." Stewie said.

"Yeah."

* * *

Team CIRRRRH ran across the streets of Moscow, having figured out that their next clue was at the statue of the Monument to Alexander II due to the clue that read _"The next clue to victory is in the hands of most monumental tsar in history"_.

Team Victory ran across the streets of Moscow to try and find one of the other teams and try to follow them to the final meeting point since they had no idea what their clue meant.

Both teams happened to run into each other while roaming the streets and by run into each other, we mean it literally. Noah bumped into DJ, Owen into LeShawna, Tyler into Lindsay, Cartman ran into Kyle, Homer ran into Ed, Bender ran into Eddy, Peter ran into Grim, and Alejandro into Bridgette. Izzy, who was now wearing a large backpack, did not hit anybody.

Get the hell off me fatass!" Kyle shouted.

"Fuck you Jew!" Cartman yelled back.

"I'm sorry, señorita." Alejandro said, smiling and helping Bridgette up.

"No worries." The blonde surfer answered while blushing.

"We don't have time for your adulterous intentions." Noah said to the Spaniard and the surfer. "We have to go."

"Hey!" Someone screamed.

The contestants turned to look to the direction the scream came from and saw a dozen armed police officers.

"Those are the people that stole Lenin's body!" One of the guards yelled.

"No we didn't." Tyler said.

Then an arm slipped out of Izzy's backpack, much to the astonishment, annoyance, and disgust of her fellow teammates.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," said Kyle.

"What?" Izzy said. "I made him into a funny puppet."

Izzy reached into her bag and pulled out Lenin's corpse, which now had a marionette frame and strings attached to it.

"See?"

She lowered it and began to perform with it, making it dance.

"_Hello my baby; hello my darling; hello my night time gal._" Izzy sang while making the Lenin corpse puppet dance.

"Kill them!" One of the officers screamed.

The Russian police officers raised their Tec-9 submachine guns and opened fire. The contestants ran away from the cops, avoiding getting shot by mere centimeters as well as leaving behind Lenin's corpse/puppet.

"I HATE THIS PLACE!" Noah screamed.

Two contestants in particular ran off together by accident and they stopped to catch their breaths when they figured they were far away enough.

"That was close." Bridgette said.

"Yes. Are you alright, Bridgette?" Alejandro asked, feigning concern.

"Yeah, luckily." She said.

"It would have been very sad if you had gotten hurt. A girl as lovely and kind as you is probably the last person in the world who deserved to die in the hands of angry Russians." The Spaniard said.

"Oh…" Bridgette whimpered while blushing.

Her hand was suddenly grabbed by Double D.

"Come on Bridgette, this way!" shouted the sock hat boy as he dragged her away.

Alejandro frowned, his ploy ruined.

* * *

Team Amazon retrieved their clue from the hand of a statue of Yuri Andropov and read it out loud.

"'Your victory is almost secure, go to the holiest place on Red Square to make it sure'." Brian read out loud.

"St. Basil's Cathedral!" Courtney and Gwen exclaimed in unison.

The two girls high-fived each other.

"Alright besties, let's go!" Leela ordered Gwen and Courtney.

"Hey! That's the baby who murdered one of our agents!" The federal agents yelled, pointing at Stewie.

Team Amazon turned to see five armed guards.

"Kill them!" They yelled.

The guards raised their guns and opened fire while the team ran helter skelter to try and escape. The team dispersed with each member heading to a different direction. Things took a turn for the worse as Early retaliated by shooting more agents with his shot gun, escalating the situation even further. Several others like Stewie and Malloy decided to get in on the action as well by mauling or shooting a few more guards.

As Courtney ran off, she happened to stumble upon a couple of other contestants who turned out to be Bridgette and Double D running from the guards as well.

"Bridgette?" Courtney asked.

"Hey Court." Bridgette said in a tired voice.

"Bridge, kid I don't know, what are you doing here?" Courtney asked.

"Court please, you have to help us." Bridgette pleaded. "They'll kill us if we're caught!"

Courtney looked at her friend and began to contemplate her possibilities.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Courtney – **When I saw Bridgette and that sock hat boy in such a bad situation, I really had a problem making up my mind. I could either help my very best friend and delay myself, possibly costing me victory or leave her behind to rot, increasing my chances of winning. In the past I probably wouldn't have helped Bridgette, but after befriending her and dating Duncan they kind of made me grow a conscience and a sense of loyalty to my friends. Damn them!

* * *

"OK Bridgette, don't worry. I'll go look for some water. I'll be back in a minute." Courtney said.

* * *

All members of Team Amazon, sans Courtney; all members of Team CIRRRH and all members of Team Victory, sans Bridgette and Double D, stormed into St. Basil's Cathedral, fleeing from the armed Russian Police Officers.

"You made it!" Chris exclaimed.

"Yeah." They all replied, hyperventilating..

"We all made it." DJ said.

"I won't even ask why you guys are so edgy since I'll probably find out later from the recordings, but I have to point out that you didn't all make it." Chris said.

"What?" Heather asked.

"Who's missing?" LeShawna asked.

"Bridgette, Double D, and Courtney aren't _here_." Chris said. "If they don't get here soon, Team I'm The Most Awesomely Hot Person In The Universe will win."

"Damn it all!"

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Heather – **That dumb idiot! She's always yakking about victory and now she doesn't show up! I am going to kill her!

* * *

Minutes later, Courtney, Bridgette, and Double D burst in through the door.

"Where the hell were you?" Heather yelled. "You cost us first place!"

"Yeah Courtney." Gwen said. "Where were you?"

"I'm sorry." Courtney said. "I was helping Bridgette and the sock hat kid, The other guards were closing in on them pretty fast.

"Are they okay?" Cody asked.

"Well we aren't dead, is that much of an answer for you?" Courtney said irritably.

"Okay, take it easy."

"Alright contestants." Chris said. "Let's start part two of the challenge."

"What is part two?" Tyler asked.

"You guys will be ice sculpting!" Chris announced. "But not just any kind of ice sculptures…it'll be sculptures of famous commie figures."

"Why do you keep associating Russia with communism?" Noah asked. "Ever since the fall of the Soviet Union Russia has been one of the most staunchly capitalist countries of the world and it has progressed significantly thanks to it. Sure Vladimir Putin's authoritarian way of government and control of industry is descendant from a socialist form of government but the country's attitude and political model is entirely capitalist these days. Not only that it…"

Chris threw a chunk of ice at Noah, knocking him down.

"Thank God, I had enough of all these pretentious bastards spreading their nonsense," said Stewie.

"Anybody object to that?" Chris asked.

Most of them shook their heads.

"Good." Chris said, smiling. "Now, Team CIRRRRH, since you made it here first you will get the easiest sculpture…Nikita Khrushchev."

Chris pulled out a picture of the former Russian premier and handed it to Alejandro.

"He was bald and few distinctive physical features." Chris said.

He then turned to Team Amazon.

"Team Amazon, since you made it second you guys get the second toughest…Joseph Stalin." Chris announced.

Chris gave Heather a picture of the infamous dictator.

"He's tough because of his weird hair crop and swanky mustache." Chris said.

Finally he turned to Team Victory.

"Now, since Bridgette came in last you guys get the hardest one." Chris explained.

The whole team turned to look angrily at Bridgette and Double D, with the former replying with an apologetic look and a shameful blush.

Chris reached into his pocket and then extracted a picture, which he gave to Stan. The picture turned out to be one of Karl Marx.

"You get Karl Marx, the father of modern socialism and a tough guy to sculpt due to his weird hair, mustache and huge beard." Chris explained. "Now let's all go outside and start making ourselves some ice sculptures!"

The cast followed Chris outside, though while walking a particular girl approached a certain guy.

"I saw you try to play Bridgette right there." Heather said. "But I am not as gullible as all the jerks around here. I know you purposely tried to leave Bridgette behind to turn her team against her, you conniving jerk."

"Why Heather, I do not know what you mean." Alejandro acted. "And if I did, you'd have no proof of that and nobody would believe you due to your bad reputation."

The Spaniard strutted forward, leaving behind an annoyed girl.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Heather – **That hot guy is getting on my nerves! _/Screams/_.

**Double D - **The real reason that I grabbed Bridgette was that I wanted to get her away from Alejandro, I have my suspicions that he is someone not to be trusted.

* * *

"Alright teams, to get the sculpting underway here's a little boost." Chris said.

Then the infamous bell chime rang and the contestants groaned.

"_Siiiiiing!_" Chris announced in an appropriate sing-song voice.

Music which sounded like a mixture of Russian polka, pop and cabaret vaudeville piano began to sound in an odd yet clear rhythm that the contestants somehow managed to easily get used to despite its oddness.

Noah started the song while he began to pick the ice.

**Noah:** _This crazy country  
Is giving me the creeps and I want to flee  
I want to get out but I can't  
No matter how much I rant._"

Heather proceeded, ranting at her team while they began to give their block of ice shape.

"**Heather: **_Come on you jerks  
We won't achieve anything if you don't work  
You better pick up your pace  
If you want to win first place._"

The melody changed slightly as Leela began to sing.

"**Leela:** _You know you could be of use instead of sitting on your ass  
You don't get to stand around and be a bitch  
So you better get up and start to work  
Put yourself to some use and do it now, now, now now now!_"

As a chunk of ice fell off the Team CIRRRRH block and hit Noah in the head the bookworm sang again in the song's chorus.

"**Noah: **_That's enough; I've had it with this country!  
These Russians have really crossed the line  
Yes that's enough; I've had it with this country!  
It's so cold the temperature could freeze time  
Quite so I've had enough; I am done with this country!_"

Alejandro continued carving the giant block of ice while he sang, returning to the original melody.

"**Alejandro:** _Keep carving  
We're so close, almost to the win  
Just keep your arms strong  
And it won't be very long._"

While carving her own team's block, Bridgette looked at Alejandro with doubtful eyes as she sang her part of the song.

"**Bridgette: **_I don't know what to think of him  
He seems OK but chances aren't slim  
That he's really a rat  
And I won't fall for that._"

Leshawna turned to Bridgette and sang to her.

**"Leshawna:** _Bridge girl, he's not so bad  
It was just an accident, don't be so mad  
Give him a little bit of time  
And then you'll find out that he is really nice, nice, nice nice nice!_"

Malloy slammed an ice-pick into the block but it bounced back and struck the roof of the cathedral, causing a lot of snow to roll down and land on Noah, who repeated the very frustrated chorus.

"**Noah: **_That's enough; I've had it with this country!  
These Russians have really crossed the line  
Yes that's enough; I've had it with this country!  
It's so cold the temperature could freeze time  
Quite so I've had enough; I am done with this country!_"

Malloy then leaped from his team's ice block to the cathedral roof and hit Noah on the head with a hammer.

"**Malloy: **_That's enough; shut the fuck up or I'll kill you over and over again!"_

* * *

Another communist went down, gunned down by the producers.

"That makes 60 more communists!" Carter proclaimed, he then looked around seeing all of their lifeless corpses, "I will stop talking now."

* * *

In a little while, the contestants finished with their ice sculptures, which were the covered in sheets while Chris prepared to inspect them.

At the Team CIRRRRH area, Izzy looked at the Aqua Teens intently.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Izzy – **I've been collecting information for a deduction on what exactly those living fast food items really are, so super secret agent Izzy will have to discover whether the targets are any more alive than bacteria by applying some practical methods.

* * *

Izzy approached Frylock from behind and whispered in his ear.

"Hey fry guy."

Frylock turned around to look at Izzy, he raised an eyebrow.

"What do you want?"

"What's that on your back?" She asked.

"It's a jewel that's the source of my powers."

"Ooh! Can you show me your powers?!"

"Judging by the look in your eyes, I'd say that's a horrible idea and that there is no way in hell I would ever show you my powers ." Frylock replied in a condescending tone.

"OK then."

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Izzy – **The targets used sneaky yet reasonable excuses to avoid investigation so super mega ultra agent Izzy had to use more "sneaky" tactics.

* * *

The crazy girl then went over to Owen,"Hey Big O, you wanna see if those french fries on Frylock's head taste good?" Izzy said pointing at Frylock.

"Oh boy, do I!" Owen exclaimed as he went in an attempt to pick the fries out of Frylock's head, but that proved to be a horrible mistake as he grabbed Owen's wrist with one of his fries.

"You even _think_ of trying to take a bite out of me and I will _murder _you. Are we clear tubby?" Frylock warned.

"C-Crystal," Owen whimpered.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Owen – **He terrifies me.

**Izzy – **The target resisted to the Owen test so no proper results could be achieved. Yet mega ultra hyper super-dooper goody-goody secret agent Izzy will never give up on proving just how alive these talking food stuffs are!

* * *

Chris approached the ice sculptures and prepared to judge them. First he made it to Team Victory's. He reached for the black sheet that covered the statue and upon pulling it off revealed a somewhat well made statue of the head of Karl Marx.

"Well I gotta admit Victory, you're statue isn't half bad, " Chris said.

The team all sighed in relief, having dodged a bullet.

Chris then moved on to Team Amazon.

Heather grabbed the black sheet and proudly pulled it down, revealing not a very well carved full-body statue of Stalin but a statue that looked like he had spent a few decades at a trailer park with a bunch of inbred hillbillies. Needless to say Team Amazon looked dumbfounded at this.

"What the hell?!" Brian yelled.

"Ah thought it could use some articulating." Rusty stated proudly, who was obviously responsible for this screw up.

Early then smacked him upside his head.

"Wow, sucks to be you guys then." Chris chuckled before moving on to Team CIRRRRH.

"Prepare yourself." Alejandro proclaimed before pulling off the sheet.

When the sheet slid off, it revealed a giant, three meter high statue of Chris himself. The statue itself had a smaller statue resting on its palm.

"Wow! This is absolutely incredible!" Chris exclaimed. "You guys win!"

"WHAT?!" Every contestant outside Team CIRRRRH protested.

"They didn't even make a statue of Nikita Krunch…Nikita Kursch…Of that Russian guy!" Heather yelled.

"I do believe we did." Alejandro said. "Look."

Alejandro then pointed at the smaller statue resting on Chris' statue's hand. Upon closer inspection they all saw it was a small but decent-looking statue of the former Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev.

"That's enough for me!" Chris proclaimed. "Team I'm Ultra Uber Super Mega Hot wins! You guys get to be in first class today!"

Chris then turned to Team Amazon.

"Team Amazon, since your statue irrevocably sucked, so you guys are on the chopping block tonight…for the first time ever!" Chris announced, cheerfully. "Man so much for your winning streak! Now let's all get going to…"

Suddenly fifteen Russian police officers holding Heckler &amp; Koch MP5 submachine guns surrounded the entire cast.

"Those are them!" One of the officers yelled. "Those are the children who stole Lenin's body, killed our federal agent and massacred some of our men!"

"Plus that one is a drug dealer!" One of them exclaimed while pointing at Granddad.

"On what grounds do you motherfuckers make that accusation!" Granddad exclaimed angrily.

"On the grounds of the color of your skin, n*gger." One of the officers replied before knocking out Granddad with the butt of his gun.

"Let's take them in!" One of the guards exclaimed.

The guards raised their weapons and began to escort the contestants away from the scene and towards the Kremlin.

* * *

"Hey Carter, some Russian officials just took Chris and the contestants into custody." Rivera said while looking at the monitors.

"Really?" Anderson asked after shooting another guerrilla soldier in the face.

Carter nodded.

"Shit, that's it. Let's get out of this goddamn place! Let them fend for themselves!" Carter yelled as he ran to the cockpit.

Sarov followed him and sat at the co-pilot seat while they began to take-off. Rivera stood at the door of the plane and managed to see that a blockade had been formed at the end of the runway with ladder-cars.

"If those motherfuckers didn't get me in the Missionary jungle back in '74, they sure as hell aren't getting me now!" He yelled.

Rivera ran back into the jet and reached under a seat, extracting a rocket launcher. He went back to the jet's door and after briefly taking aim he fired the rocket, which hit the blockade and blew it to pieces, along with the men near it.

As the plane began to lift off the ground, Rivera began to shoot at several people who had been approaching their jet when they took off with his AK. When they had gained enough height he closed the door and retreated back into the plane.

"We showed those dirty, rotten communists, didn't we?" He yelled.

"Rivera, I think those last people you were just shooting at were just airport workers." Carter told him.

"Whatever."

* * *

The Russian officers pushed the entire cast into a large study, which had several bookcases in it and at the end a large desk with a wheeled chair behind it. There were two armed guards standing on either side of the desk.

"Here are those teenagers who were committing all those crimes, Mr. Prime Minister." One of the guards said in a thick Russian accent.

The chair was spun round and sitting on it was Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

"Thank you, Sergei." Putin said in a thick Russian accent. "I'll handle them."

The officers left, leaving the contestants and Chris with Putin and his guards.

"Mr. McClean, when your bosses requested permission to film in my city we allowed it because we were promised it would not disrupt daily life of citizens of Moscow and it would not break laws. Yet those officers told me your contestants had _murdered_ more than a few federal agents, desecrated a national monument and stolen a very important corpse." Putin said. "You may not like Lenin, but we do for some reason. Seriously I do not comprehend why we still keep that body since we are no longer communists, but we do so we do not like it when people steal it."

"Mr. Putin, you don't have to worry about these children." Chris said, very nervous. "We were going to leave before your officers arrested us."

"I am afraid I cannot let you leave right now." Putin said.

"What are you gonna do?" DJ asked, fearful.

"You will face maximum punishment in Russian law that can be given to foreigners..." Putin proclaimed. "…You will have to fight one hundred rabid bears in unicycles."

"Okay, that's an offensive stereotype," Malloy replied.

"Wait, will we have to be fighting bears riding unicycles or will we have to ride unicycles while we fight the bears?" Owen asked.

"That doesn't matter." Brian proclaimed. "That punishment is freaking absurd, there is no way it's in your national law."

"Oh yes?" Putin said sardonically before tossing Brian a book.

Brian looked at the cover which read "Russian Laws &amp; Statutes".

"Page 164, paragraph three." Putin stated.

Brian opened the book up to that point and read.

"Son of a bitch, he's right. It's there." Brian said. "Which makes me say that this country is very absurd."

"Hey, Lenin himself wrote that and he was an intellectual." Putin proclaimed. "Sure he was kind of crazy but he was still a genius."

The Russian Prime Minister turned to his guards.

"Guards, take them to the bear cage." Putin ordered.

The guards began to approach the contestants but before they could reach them the door to the office was opened and Chef Hatchet stormed in.

"Yo Chris, what's takin' you so damn long?" He yelled.

Chef saw the scenario that was going on and happened to spot Vladimir Putin.

"Oh my God…Vladdy-boy!" Chef exclaimed.

"_Vot der'mo…_" Putin swore.

"You know this guy?" Chris asked.

"Sure, I met him in '78 during a secret military operation in which the CIA and the KGB worked together to screw the Chinese government." Chef explained. "…And I think I just said too much. Though yeah, I know Vladdy."

Chef Hatchet approached Putin and stood next to him.

"We gotta catch up, man." Chef said. "Tell me, do you still sleep with that stuffed polar bear of yours, Vovy."

"Chef, shut the hell up." Vladimir growled

"Oh man, are you angry?" Chef asked. "Don't tell me somebody stole your sandwich again 'cause I don't think I could endure another one of your sandwich tantrums."

"OK Chef, here is a deal…if you stop talking about embarrassing details of my past I will let you, your friend the narcissistic host and those rotten people leave without charges." Putin proposed.

"Fine." Chef said. "I'll call you some time."

Chef walked towards the door.

"Let's go, I'm getting sick of this damn cold weather!" Chef yelled. "It's fucking freezin' up in here!"

* * *

The cast made it to the Total Drama Jumbo Jet by nightfall.

"Well everybody, we were originally not going to have an elimination ceremony for Team Amazon after what just happened, but due to the large number of contestants, It's required that we have an elimination ceremony every episode," Chris said.

"What?" Heather complained. "After some dumb Russian almost sent us to prison we _still _have to go through with elimination?!"

"Pretty much." Chris said, while walking into his room.

"Damn it!" Heather yelled while storming to the economy section.

* * *

**(Bathroom confessional)**

**Alejandro – **!_Mierda_! With Bridgette still in the game thanks to that sock hat boy I now have somebody else to worry about. Luckily she still believes that I'm not bad, though now a bit suspicious. _/He ponders for a second/_ I will have to turn on my charm and good-looks even higher…if it's possible to do so.

* * *

It was late at night, all of Team Amazon had gathered at the Elimination Ceremony for their first time ever. Most of the team glared at the two redneck octopi "All of you have already voted, so here I have fourteen barf bags. If you do not receive a barf bag you must immediately head to the Drop of Shame!" Chris told them.

The contestants eyed each other, no one really knew who was voting for who on this one. "The first round of marshmallows go to Brian, Stewie, Sierra, and Cody!" Chris listed, tossing barf bags to themselves

Sierra gasped happily and caught her's. Brian smiled and caught his looking satisfied. Stewie grinned and received his, while Cody beamed at being safe.

"Also with no votes against them, Leela, Gwen, Courtney, Huey, and Riley!" Chris said. Leela proudly received her's, as did Gwen. Courtney caught her's looking very pleased with herself. Riley gave a smug smile and Huey's face was devoid of expression as he caught his own bag of peanuts.

"Next is Mandy, Malloy, Zorak and shockingly Heather, leaving us with our final two of the night." Chris said, tossing the last barf bags, aside from the last one. Mandy and Malloy both caught theirs looking indifferent, while Zorak looked s bit irritated at having to stay here a while longer, Heather caught her's looking very smug. "Early, Rusty, one of you is going home tonight." Chris said ominously.

"Hey! Why the hell am ah on the choppin' block?!" Early cried. "It's my damn son's fault we're here not mine!"

"Early, you're on the chopping block because after your little "performance" today, some of your teammates just don't want to hang around with a gun wielding maniac, that and being pretty annoying overall." Chris said with a chuckle, much to Early's anger. "And Rusty, you cost the challenge for your team by inadvertently sabotaging Lenin's statue " The host shrugged, to Rusty's ignorance.

Chris held up the final barf bag. "But this barf bag can only go to one person, and tonight, it goes to..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Early." Chris finished. Early breathed a sigh of relief and caught his barf bag with great joy.

"Daddy, no!" gasped Rusty.

"Daddy yes! Time to fly, buddy!" Chris exclaimed as he threw him a parachute.

"See ya round, son." said Early.

"Wait wait, I don't wanna leave yet!" Rusty yelled as Chef picks him up and throws him out of the plane. "Wait, no, no!"

"I knew that would be satisfying!", Chris exclaimed. "Tune in next week to find out who else gets kicked off, who else gets shot, and who else goes crazy on Total…Drama…_World Toooouuuuur!_

* * *

**AN: So Russia huh? That was actually one of my first choices for the new locations in this story. On another note, this is the last time I write songs for this story, Next chapter there's going to be a reason why the contestants won't sing anymore. I'm sorry but their such a pain in the ass to write for every challenge. I got the idea for the new producers after reading some Total Drama fanfics portraying them as corrupted money grubbing individuals, I mean how else were these other cartoon characters were able to compete considering some of them had criminals records a mile long. So these three will show up from time to time throughout the story. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and I will see you at the next one.**

**Be sure to remember to leave a review!**

**Eliminated:** **_Duncan, Billy, Harold, Rusty_**


End file.
